YA Fiction Novel Online: Moon Magic Series Post Chapter 1
Did you catch the opening post with the prologue and first few pages of the Young Adult Fiction Novel, Moon Magic? If not, start here: Moon Magic starts here. If you read it- then you are ready to start with the second post in the series. This YA Novel is complete except for edits. I'm posting here for your feedback and constructive criticism. Remember, it is copyrighted material. Last week, Aurora wanted to go run and hide in the bathtub. Let's see if things have improved in Chapter One of Moon Magic. Enjoy!
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Moon Magic: Unfulfilled Wishes
By Lora Langston
The following is copyrighted material. It is not in the public domain. It exists on this website for personal use only. Do not copy or reproduce it in any way.
Remember, I don't know how to write a novel! I can use your editing and grammar tips. Thank you!
Aurora could never remember the combination to her locker. Sliding up behind her and cupping her hand under a tough and rugged hand, the creepy kid guided her to the correct number. He chewed his nails. Hang nails decorated the corner of every finger. What makes a creepy guy like that nervous anyway? The word Stalker screamed inside her head, but her lips mouthed the words Thank you instead.
Tossing his head sideways, he flipped his blinding bangs back revealing icy blue eyes and he mumbled. If it had been more than one syllable, she wouldn’t have been able to translate it.
She mumbled too while stealthily stuffing a trembling hand inside the pocket of her Army jacket. She had to strain to hear his next words.
“I’ve been watching you.”
She had been watching him. His mouth was always poised in a silent whistle. She studied his daily demeanor, his gate, and the Goth-like attire that seemed pressed onto his body like paper-doll clothes. He moved like a sloth with purpose. First, he’s there slothing around in the distance. Then, he’s here breathing down your neck.
You know how they say, 'She’s a breath of fresh air?' Well, this kid was a cold breeze. He always wore dark jeans with dreary, gray Converse shoes and a flannel button-down shirt under a black hoodie or dark canvas jacket. He was almost cool. Almost.
Aurora felt anxious most of the time but this kid brought her anxiety to another level. In attempt to rescue it, she pulled her right hand into her pocket and stared down at the worn-out, plum-colored Converse shoes with ratty, untied laces that adorned her own feet. He said it again.
“I’ve been watching you.”
With a futile attempt at humor she stuttered back, “Aa-a-nd I’ve been ww-w-watching you watching me.”
She grabbed at her lone braid and twirled it around her index finger. “I mean, I feel your pain and stuff like that.”
“What?” While looking down at her shoes, he raised both brows but continued anyway. “I get you, we’re the same.”
The hairs on the back of Aurora’s neck stood like tiny, red flags flapping a warning signal. “Um, I don’t think so.” She slammed her Social Studies books into her locker. Emotions were flowing. Fear enveloped her to the core. Too bad there were only showers in the girl’s locker room.
* * *
English wasn’t Aurora’s best subject. She hated it. In other words, it sucked. The teachers were all females with issues and sticks up their butt. We get it. You’re smarter than us, shut up, thank you very much. At least, that’s what she was thinking as she stared out the window watching the comings and goings at the Mickey D’s across the street. You can talk about your ‘trees,’ but I don’t have to listen. I’m a teenager not a kindergartner, witch.
Aurora wasn’t usually so angry. She couldn’t put her finger on it. Well, she could, but she didn’t like to think about it. It made her feel small. Deep down, Aurora feared that the teachers were smarter. Actually, she feared everyone was smarter. Her brain had some kind of glitch and it didn’t always function properly. Her mother disagreed and refused to discuss it. The truth was, her mother didn’t want to find out that there was something wrong with her only daughter. If she got a formal diagnosis, well, that’d mean that she wasn’t perfect either- that she had created an imperfect facsimile. Yep, those words do a pretty good job of summing up Aurora’s self-obsessed mother, but more about that later.
The English teacher, Mrs. Stone, went out of her way to be nice. Her acts of kindness were truly irksome. Aurora shouted, “It’s like she thinks I have some kind of psychological problem and she wants to be the one to heal me!” She quickly covered her mouth hoping no one had heard the outburst that escaped from her previously pursed lips.
The Stone Witch was always full of praise offering compliments when she approved of Aurora’s outfit. But, Aurora knew the game. Praise what is good. Reinforce the positive and downplay the negative. Ignore it and it will go away. Fat chance.
“Auri, can you tell me what the root of the word disintegration means?”
Aurora didn’t respond. The four barren, dingy white walls surrounded her like a prison cell.
“Aurora Waters, I am speaking to you!”
“You don’t have to yell at her, witch! Can’t you see she is embarrassed?”
Aurora shivered. That girl had never said one word to her. She hadn’t needed to- the constant evil glares cast in Aurora’s direction had said it all. Aurora hastily apologized, “It’s okay, I was daydreaming and I wasn’t paying attention.” With her eyes twitching, she tried to replace the anger and fear that were creating a tornado of turmoil in her stomach with a more politically correct emotion. Unfortunately, she didn’t find one fast enough.
Splat! Ms. Stone peeled a spit wad from her temple. “Who did that?” She scanned the sea of faces staring ahead like little idiots. Every innocent face made her anger grow stronger. From the back of the room, a stoner in a faded denim jacket chuckled and the mouthy girl stood up pressing her three-inch heels into the worn gray tile.
“Listen, Ms. Thang, drop the ‘tude or we’ll get you!”
“Are you threatening me,” The teacher squeaked?”
“What of it,” the girl in heels snarled?
Moving her tortoise shell glasses to the top of her graying head, Ms. Stone spoke sternly, “Mr. Smith, I need you to pick up your spit wad and place it in the waste basket.”
Mocking Ms. Stone in an uncanny impersonation, the girl in the back row stood with one one hand on her curvy hip and the other one wagging a black polish and rhinestone manicured nail. “Mr. Smith, I need you to pick up your spit wad and place it in the waste basket.”
A frightened Aurora rushed to the window, leaned against an old radiator, and stared outside desperately willing the people at Mickey D’s to intervene. No one even looked up in her direction. She felt cold… and hot- like a fifty year old woman going through the change. She tightly wrapped her jacket around her stomach, pulled her gray turtleneck over her face, and tried to crawl inside her own shell. Too bad she didn’t have a shell. Without a bathtub, a turtle shell would be the next best thing. Maybe even better.
Ms. Stone slammed a shaky thumb onto the emergency intercom button that was hidden under her desk top. “Everyone sit down, right now. I’m calling the Principal.”
With a whoosh, the gangly, scary girl snatched the teacher’s glasses right off of her face. “Better make it the police, ‘cause I’m ‘bout to whoop yo’ behind.”
Suddenly, Aurora got in touch with another emotion- Guilt. She felt sorry for Ms. Stone. Someone really needed to help the teacher. Aurora knew this was somehow her fault. Like a wimp, she went to sit in her assigned seat. Sitting down for solidarity and hoping Ms. Stone noticed the effort.
My ten-year old says she wouldn't read this book. She says it is too much about one character who thinks the world revolves around them. I told her that we are just getting started and there's a lot more to come, but she says that the other characters are too inconsequential. I explained that the story is about Aurora and told from her point-of-view. I promised the other characters have a lot to say.
What do you think? Is there too little action in the first chapter? Do you hate Aurora? Do you feel for her? I'm building to something here. Do you think you know what it is?
Start Here: Moon Magic Intro and Prologue
Novels by John Green