What is Hoarding Disorder?

 

What can you do when someone suffers from hoarding disorder?

Have you ever joked about a friend being a hoarder because their desk is covered in papers, or their home is cluttered? Hoarding is a real issue for some people, and it is very distressing. At first, a lot of hoarders don't notice the issue and they probably can't see how it’s affecting their lifestyle or worrying their loved ones. If they do recognize the problem, hoarders might feel embarrassed and isolated from friends and family. So, what is hoarding disorder, and how can you help someone who suffers from it?

Hoarding Disorder and Causes

Hoarding disorder is when an individual keeps a lot of things, no matter what the value of these items.They could have anything from broken appliances to old newspapers stored away in their homes leaving their home untidy, dirty, and a generally unpleasant space to be in.

A person with hoarding disorder feels upset or anxious about getting rid of the clutter because they've often formed a strong emotional attachment to these objects, particularly if the hoarded item represents something sentimental to them. Several mental health issues can be connected to hoarding disorder: severe depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and psychosis. If the person with hoarding disorder has recently gone through a difficult period in life, such as the death of a loved one, the breakdown of a relationship, or another traumatic event, this may serve as a catalyst for developing the disorder.

Hoarders often find comfort in collecting and saving items for future use. Of course, hoarding disorder can happen to anyone, but it isn’t uncommon for hoarding to develop in people who live alone or grew up in an untidy environment.

What Can You Do About It?

Hoarding disorder is when an individual keeps a lot of things, no matter what the value of these items.They could have anything from broken appliances to old newspapers stored away in their homes leaving their home untidy, dirty, and a generally unpleasant space to be in. 

A person with hoarding disorder feels upset or anxious about getting rid of the clutter because they've often formed a strong emotional attachment to these objects, particularly if the hoarded item represents something sentimental to them.

Several mental health issues can be connected to hoarding disorder: severe depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and psychosis. If the person with hoarding disorder has recently gone through a difficult period in life, such as the death of a loved one, the breakdown of a relationship, or another traumatic event, this may serve as a catalyst for developing the disorder. Hoarders often find comfort in collecting and saving items for future use. Of course, hoarding disorder can happen to anyone, but it isn’t uncommon for hoarding to develop in people who live alone or grew up in an untidy environment.

Since hoarding is linked to mental health, typical treatments include CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and counseling to identify the root cause of the hoarding. If the hoarding is associated with depression, antidepressant medication might be prescribed and allow for some relief.

If you're concerned that a loved one has a hoarding disorder, gently suggest that they visit the GP with you. Remember, a lot of people with this disorder don't recognize that there's a problem. Others may feel embarrassed, so be patient with them. Let them know that you care and that you are there for them whenever they feel overwhelmed or when they're ready to talk about their circumstances.

When a hoarder is ready to deal with the issue and start organizing their home, you might also need professional services to help. Hoarder clean up services are specialists in dealing with these situations and understand how emotional and difficult it can be for the individuals who suffer with the disorder. A clean up service will also be able to deep-clean the property to make it a safe, healthy living environment for your loved one. While people might joke about being a hoarder, for many people, this is a serious issue that impacts their daily lives. If you're concerned that you or someone you love has developed a hoarding disorder, speak to mental health professionals for further advice on what steps you need to take.

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Free Online Relationship Counseling

Are you Struggling to get Along with your Family?

For the next series of posts, we're going to stray a little bit from our regular article topics. We often talk about parenting and share advice for parenting teens, but we've rarely talked about the relationship between two parents. Whether you're married, living together, or co-parenting after a separation, that relationship is a key factor in your parenting success. We want to model healthy, mature relationships for our children, but that is often easier said than done, especially, when you throw in all the expenses of raising a family. However, there are online sources that can help with most of life's struggles. If you're looking for free online relationship counseling, we've got your back.

This post contains Amazon affiliate links.

Is it time to take a look in the mirror?

As you know, we have a series of mommy bloggers who contribute posts to this website, they also help with our Digital Marketing business. As we get new clients,  we sometimes discover that different clients' needs are better suited to one staffer as opposed to another. Sometimes, it's due to work ethic, ability to communicate on a particular topic, or even a staffer's personal passion (or lack thereof)  for a subject. As the editor-in -chief of this website I also have faced conflict of interests, time constraints, or personality clashes with certain clients' content topics. One that particularly comes to mind, is what, at the time, I saw as a lack of interest in the subject matter. 

After working with the client for several weeks, I came to realize it wasn’t a lack of interest that I was facing, but a lack of personal courage. While speaking to the client each week, I enjoyed the conversation and even felt a kindred spirit with her. On the flip side, I dreaded our weekly consultations. I'd find a dozen reasons to put off those weekly calls. I was consulting her on the best way to promote her articles, so calls were a necessary part of the work week. I felt miserable after our calls. I was trying to avoid that feeling. The client was a divorce consultant... 

Every week, she had shiny, new articles to share and we’d discuss the best way to market them. As I read the articles to prep the marketing strategy and create striking image text, I’d become depressed. These articles were hitting home. I soon realized, I was her target demographic. I didn't like the way it made me feel. It was a slap in the face, a weekly reminder that I needed to make a change in my own life.

I also didn’t like that I was broke. I could easily benefit from utilizing her services, but I couldn’t afford it - or wouldn’t. The fee for the program was $1000.  Most of us don’t have the budget for an unexpected $1000 monthly expense. If we do, our budget considers it an emergency fund  for broken water pipes, a new furnace, or other homeowner’s expenses. The kind of things that  you and your partner would share the blow of the expense. “Sorry, Honey,  I used our emergency money for a divorce consultant.” Yeah, that’s not going to go over well for anybody, right? Keeping those kinds of secrets is exactly why you need a relationship consultant. So, most of us suffer in silence, hoping it will all work itself out. It won’t.

Fast forward two and half years later, here I am. Those articles were the catalyst I needed to start the process of removing myself from a very broken relationship. This meant shaking up the lives of many people, making difficult decisions, and hoping that I was doing the right thing. In the end, I made the right choice. Things aren’t easy, life comes at you way too fast, but emotionally, I’m in a much better place. If only I’d taken advantage of other free online marriage counseling or the many online mental health services sooner, I could’ve avoided some issues and been more prepared to help my children deal with the upheaval it placed on their lives. 

We’re still working out the bugs, but all in all, it was the best decision for everyone involved. Sometimes, you just have to step back and evaluate your situation. Change is scary. If three years ago, someone would've told me that I’d own my own home, be responsible for the note on two cars, two houses, and all the other expenses that take their toll on a head of household, be a single parent with two teenagers in public school, and working outside the home, I would’ve told you that you that I couldn’t do it. Me, the advocate for “You can do it!” would’ve said, I’m not strong enough or capable enough to pull off the life of a professional single mother. I would've rather rolled up in a ball and never got out of bed. 

At the time, I didn’t realize that I was depressed. I had a series of health setbacks. I’d become comfortable in my unhappiness. It was a mess, but at least I knew how everyday was going to play out. Ugh. They all played out the same way. There was no hope for the future, only hope to make it through to the next day- to survive another day. My kids had been feeling the same way. Are we all Disney happy now? No, far from it but, even in these trying times, we all have hope for the future. Stay tuned for more on this story.

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Step on a Crack Break Your Mother's Back Dealing with OCD

Dealing with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) ~ "Step on a crack break your mother's back"

My musings on life and obsessive compulsive disorder.

Sunday Food for Thought

I write with the human spirit in mind - Christians, Agnostics, Atheists, and Others:

This Sunday, I take a moment to reflect on the eccentricities of me.  Please be gracious and ignore any typos or grammatical errors today.  I will edit them later after I've had a break from writing.  Read on to learn why-

Last week my little ones and myself were baptized.  We are four, six, and forty-one.  The other members of  our family were baptized as infants in the Catholic church long before we met. They stood up for us.

I am not a religious person.  I am, however, extremely spiritual.

You might be wondering, Why?  Why haven't we been baptized yet.  Or why do it at all?

I have some peculiar answers to those questions and I have decided to share the deepest interworkings of my brain on OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I am a recovering Obsessive Compulsive. These days, it has become a popular turn of phrase.  So many people joke about it- maybe they joke because they fear it.

I expect Tom Cruise has an opinion on OCD and religion, but I digress.

Most of us can find something about ourselves that is compulsive or even obsessive.  It may be embarassing but it is unlikely that it greatly reduces the quality of your life or well-being.  My brain on OCD stifled my quality of life in many ways.

For example, as a child I had been an avid reader.  I read most of the classics by the fourth grade.  I.E.  Jane Eyre,  Wuthering Heights, Tom Sawyer, Pollyanna, Of Mice and Men, etc.  I read the Communist Manifesto in sixth grade, you get the picture. 

In college, I became incapable of reading.  I could not read the Bible, a text book, a script, or even a newspaper.  My life had changed.  I sat in class and struggled to stay awake taking explicit notes that I would not be able to study later.  I had hoped writing the information down would help my brain retain it for the test.

Before this particular OCD trait afflicted me, I made the Dean's List with a 4.0.  I was accepted into the College of Architecture and Planning.  My future looked bright.

One day, I woke up with numerous health concerns all of which grew worse with stress.  Suddenly, I could no longer read.  As I read, the words would mock me and block me from reading any further.  A simple word like 'but' was impossible to get past.  In my head, the word didn't read correctly and I'd have to read it again until it fit the right pace. 

This is difficult to explain.  It makes no sense.  As I type, I can akin it to my typing issues.

I type a sentence. I type a sentne   I type a I type a sen   I type a senten   I type a sentence.  If I catch a typo, I must immediately correct it.  I do not erase only to the misspelling.  I must erase the entire word or sentence depending on my level of stress.   Currently, that level is low.  I misspelled level like this levle.  I deleted only the last l and completed the word lev- level.  Are you with me?

This type of compulsion is frustrating.  It slows me down and takes up time, but it does not affect the quality of my life- at this time.  If I were to become obessesed with writing this post perfectly and completing it quickly, conceivably I could sit here for hours without eating lunch or dinner or cleaning the house.

Luckily, I have learned to work around these blips in my brain.  Sharing the affliction with others helps too.  Family and friends can hold me accountable.  Jokes work but shame just aggravates the disorder.  It's a very fine line.

Remember in grade school when you said, (Yes, I am talking to YOU) "Step on a crack, break your Mother's back?"  Did you step on cracks?  I remember kids jumping over them on the sidewalk, I remember other kids stomping on the cracks, still others just walked across them without thinking anything of it at all.

What did I do? I struggled.  I didn't want people to stare at me.  I didn't believe if I stepped on a crack my mother's back would immediately break.  I shut my eyes.  Sometimes, I held my breath.  I had to step over the crack to get to class.  I couldn't draw attention to myself. 

When people teased me or even just looked at me funny, I turned pomegranate.  So, I developed a pace.  Walking with my stride paced perfectly I could avoid all pre-planned cracks. If the sidewalk had cracked from the elements I could not avoid jumping or bumping into my neighbor.

As a teenager, I tried switching off my bedroom light and jumping into my bed from across the room before the light went out.  Of course, I knew this was impossible. I hoped to avoid walking on the floor in the dark.  Apparently, the monsters under my bed stayed idle until the lights were off. 

Luckily, I was a smart cookie.  I would go to bed early and read until my brother or parents came to bed then I would holler at them, "Can you please turn my light off?"  Problem solved.

OCD has nothing to do with intelligence or the ability to tell right from wrong or sanity from insanity.

Intellectually, I knew the act of stepping on a crack would not break my mother's back.  Spiritually, I believed God was watching over me.  I could pray to save her back.

But there is always that 'What if?'  What if a coincidence occured and something bad happened after I stepped on a crack?  What if something bad happened if I stepped on my floor in the dark?  Perhaps, I'd step on a spider or a mouse?  What if I read the word wrong and I failed the test?  What if I made a mistake and someone I loved died.  What if...

Coincidences are grueling.  Oprah says there are no coincidences.  Don't tell that to an OCD.  The strand of logic is broken.  If this = that, then that caused this with no relative cause to rhyme or reason.

In fourth grade, (I've discussed this before) we were given a card to fill out.  One of the questions asked for religious affiliation.  My parents never went to church, occasionally I went with an Aunt.  Distraught over the question I took it home and asked my mother what to say.  I didn't want to write n/a.  What would people think? 

"We're Christians, write that."
"We don't go to church!"
"We believe in Jesus.  That makes us Christians."
"They want to know what church we go to!  I go to different churches."
"Just, put Protestant on the line.  It will be fine."
"I don't want them to know I'm Protestant!"
"We are not Catholic.  We believe in Jesus.  You are Protestant."

I didn't exactly understand.

"I haven't been baptized. I'm not Christian."
"You've been baptized."
"When?"
"Oh, I don't know, but you've been baptized."
"Were you there?"  "How come I don't remember?"
"It was a long time ago."  "Just drop it.  I'll fill out your card."

After that, I went to church as much as I could. I had several offers to be baptized. I wanted to be baptized.  I didn't want to be a sinner.  I  had heard the stories.  But I felt my family should be there with me. I was also filled with fear.

I saw kids slammed in the head, and people immersed in creeks, and holy water splashed in faces, and hands hovered over heads...  Pastors, Preachers, Priests, Ministers, Reverends.  The only thing I didn't see was a Rabbi.

I didn't want to do something so important without my family there. 

They weren't coming.  People, asking me to persuade them to come, only stressed me out more and kicked in my fears that something bad would happen.  I couldn't think about that- it would greatly reduce my quality of life. 

Besides, what if I did get baptized and some ironic twist of fate took my life.  I know, I know, I know...   Christian friends.  Nothing to fear.  But I had something to fear, losing my family forever.
To believe or not to believe- That IS the question.

OCD was mostly controllable throughout my life; afflictions came and went.  If you'd like to learn more about them or share some of your own drop me a note and we'll swap odd stories.  thehollyjollyone@yahoo.com

In college and after, I did a bunch of Catholic stuff.  Marriage classes, counseling, and etc.  Not only must you have documentation of baptism but you must be confirmed and generally a member to take part in communion.  I'd sit in the pew as everyone filed past me.  Singled out as a sinner, oh the humiliation, oh the OCD reactions it would bring.

A twist of fate, a project  to design a church, introduced me to the Episcopalian Church.  The bridge between Catholics and Protestants.  Although I frequented many churches since the initial introduction, this version of Christianity had struck a chord of acceptance in me.

My mother once told me that she did not want to baptize me into a particular religion.  It would be my choice and not a label that someone else had imposed.

I grappled with this idea when my children were born.  I also feared death.  What if they die without being baptized.  Do I care?  Does it matter? 

The  twenty-minute ride home from the hospital after their birth was the longest drive of my life and the lowpoint of my OCD.  I am surprised that I lived through it without suffering a nervous breakdown.

I guess, I didn't.  It was insane. Totally insane... and I did it twice.

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't sit still, I couldn't look out the windows, I couldn't look away from my child, I couldn't live and enjoy the moment.  OCD had taken its toll and sheer panic had taken hold.  I didn't sleep for four years.  I had to make sure the children kept breathing throughout the night.  You laugh, you think surely I jest.  I can assure you this is no joke.

When the unreligious/unchurched die my mother often says, "Don't worry a preacher was there."  "They were baptized before they died."  Who is worrying me or you?  I suppose it matters somewhere to someone but does it matter to me?  I've heard a lot of people say, "Well, it can't hurt."  That's true, isn't it?

Forget about me, I wanted to baptized the children.  No matter what they decide later on they will be saved as long as they believe in their hearts, right?  But, OCD kept blocking me.  What if I baptize them and they get killed in a car accident on the way home?

Yeah, yeah, yeah - God and such.  BUT what IF?
Oh, the irony.  Oh, the dread, how could I live with myself?

Either way, I live in fear.  I live in shame.  What if they get sick and die before they've been baptized? 

Can you feel the stress building?  It's been six long years with very little sleep.

At the height of my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I lived with an alcoholic.  I attended AA meetings. I took away the best lessons ever, "Let go and let God" and "Live and let Live".

Choose a phrase that best fits you - it works.

I am a recovering Obsessive Compulsive.  I lived in a funk.  A fog of worry hovered over my life.

I let it go for too long.  The biggest fear I had  last week, while getting baptized at the age of forty-one, "What would the congregation think of me?"  I have become an active member of the church.  I was embarassed and ashamed that I had waited for so long.

Irony is to blame but there is something else too -

My family and friends.  What if something happens to them before they get the chance?  Do I care?  Do they?  Does it matter?  The problem is, I just don't have an answer.

I don't care what you believe or where you go or where you don't go, but I want to go with the people I love and I want them to go with me.  Wherever.

I know some people don't like church.  I know some people fear it.  I know some people feel ashamed. I know some people don't care.  I know lots of those people have Jesus in their hearts and lots of them don't but most of them are good people, either way.  What I don't know is if any of it matters.

Some people need more.  I needed more.  A heavy weight has been lifted from my back.

Now, I can not only live and let live but also let go and let God.

If my children choose something different, that's okay. 
If they go astray and come back another day, that's okay too.

I no longer have to worry about the What if's.  For me, no matter how many cracks I step on, it's in God's hands now.  I can't change fate.

Years of habits will take years to break- don't be surprised if you catch me pacing my steps to avoid the cracks.

And what did the congregation say?  "Congratulations on your baptisms." 

That was that, so simple, so easy, and so many fears washed away with a simple splash.

This Sunday, I breathe easier than last. 

What's on your list?  Keep moving forward!