What's for Christmas? Teen Heartbreak-Part One

Teen Heartbreak and Advice for Girls: Beware of Holidays

Teen Heartbreak and Advice = Beware of the Holidays
Teen Holiday Heartbreak.
A big-fat break-up wrapped with a puke-colored bow and sprinkled with salty tear-sparkles, that's what.

Boys suck.  You know they do- even if you have one of your own. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Try telling that to a heartbroken teenage-girl after her first boyfriend breaks up with her thru a text message three days before Christmas.

She thinks I have ESP. Perhaps I do, whatever you call it I have an Extraordinary Mother's Instinct. I saw it coming.  In fact, I've been there more than once. Although, I must confess, I am happy with the end result; I cannot bare the pain I see in her eyes.

At the beginning of the semester her Honor's English teacher called to say she is failing English (the fifth English Teacher in a row).  We discussed options and made the tough decision that extra-curricular Jazz Band would have to go. Said boy = Jazz Band.

One tiny paragraph stood in her way between passing class and extra-curricular activity bliss. Three weeks ago her Honor's English teacher called to say she is still failing English. One tiny paragraph stands in her way blocking her from passing with a D-!  The same paper.  Teacher loves her, "I cannot comprehend this."

"Me too", I lie.

I struggled with what to do -with what to take away.  The teacher says she is an excellent student. Teacher has no explanation for the outcome. She's tried everything. So have we. Band is all consuming...

Well, at least I thought it was band, but of course it was said boy.  Did I mention that boy's suck?

So, we grounded her until second semester and exiled her from band for the rest of the year.  You cannot go anywhere but 'Sucky Boy' can come to our house.  He can go to Thanksgiving, to the Family Office Party, he can come hang and watch movies, go to lunch, go sledding- you get the drill.

He couldn't find the time.  He didn't want to come over to our house.  He kept asking her to do things that he knew she couldn't do- frustrating her beyond words. Elevating her anger with her evil parents. "Why does he keep asking me to do stuff he knows I can't do?"  I knew the answer but I kept my mouth shut.

I wanted to say, "Because he knows you can't and this way he can keep stringing you along.  He gets to keep you on a rope and still have his fun."  Instead, I said, "What are we going to buy 'Sucky Boy' for Christmas?"  Wait remove the quotes I didn't say that exactly.  I politely used his name and smiled sweetly waiting for ideas to throw my hard-earned money away- on a boy who can't even use the telephone to speak words.

That's right- there aren't any late night 'I love yous' or 'Sweet Dreams' no 'I just needed to hear your voice'- Just some crappy text that say things like,  "What Up?" or "Okay Then".  Is this modern love and I'm just an old-fashioned old lady at forty-one?

My instincts were correct as usual.  Apparently, 'Sucky Boy' had his eye on someone else.  In my daughter's absence he's been spending time with 'the other woman'. I remember holidays with my boyfriend.  He went everywhere with me.  I didn't find out he was a 'Sucky boy' for years!

Her 'Sucky Boy' says, "I can't wait until January when you aren't grounded."

Excuse me? Wait for what?  Good riddance, fair weather friend.  
Merry Christmas 'Other Woman'.

And then technology hit the fan-  He changed his Facebook status and seconds later an influx of text messages filled her inbox. "OMG!" and "What's going on?" "Are you okay?"  Every time the phone vibrated she cried.

We did what any awesome parents would do; we took the phone away. But I'm a sucker and I let her use mine to text her best-friend.  Minutes later it zinged to remind me I had a unread message.  Sucky Boy was texting her back.  "Y wut?"

I'm angry at myself for giving her my phone.  Angry at her for texting him "Y?"  And angry at him for sucking so much. Really? "Y wut?"  He's such a lame.

So, I'm thinking, 'Thank you for ruining our holiday stupid boy and a true, heartfelt Thank you for ending it now rather than after the holidays which would make you look even more sucky in my eyes. And a GREAT BIG THANK YOU for saving me the money of purchasing an awesome gift for an unworthy recipient.'

What do you think? Is it better to break-up before the holidays or try to be 'polite' and do it after to save feelings? I had a boyfriend who would break up with me before my birthday or Christmas so he didn't have to buy me a gift. "For Reals."

I dedicate this post to all the texting teenagers out there.  Write a letter.  Use your voice. Even if your 'Sexting'   it is still a detachable relationship.  IT'S NOT REAL. It's too easy to type, "It's over."  Why not try saying that eye to eye?  Man up now before it is too late because many men never do.

Look for Part Two next week, "Why Sucky Boys Make Me Cry"


Lora is a homeschooling mom, writer, creator of Kids Creative Chaos, and Director of the Play Connection.


  1. so much better before. after she would know that it was all a lie and that would hurt.

    i love that you take this so serious. as a parent we know that life goes on and at some point this will be a distant memory, but at that age we didn't. i remember so well knowing that my parents didn't understand which equalled not caring. there is a good chance that the most important thing she remembers is that you cared this much.

  2. no more band?? awww.....that sucks! Band was life for me in high school!! the only time I could be myself..

  3. Jill - She's still in Wind Symphony and Music Technology. She likely be Section Leader or Drum Major next year for Marching Band. But see there's Symphony, Concert Band, Jazz Band, Pep Band... Yeah, we needed a break!

  4. Bobbie- I didn't know if she'd approve the post. So,I had her review it before publishing and she asked me to post it on her Facebook Page. That's a little bit of awesome :-) She said it made her feel a lot better!

  5. Just dropping by from Never Growing Old, to wish you a very blessed Chrismtas.

    Yoli from Apron Senorita

  6. Sucky Boy sound like another Narcissist in the making. There are so many of them now. Never used to be.

    I understand your parental concern. I'm 80 so my kid world was a little different but not entirely. We were still humans. Each of my kids had a different passion and that was what I encouraged. They focused on the competition within their interest, as figure skating, dance, hockey, writing, music and that put the emphasis on themselves and not being an extension of another.

    They say the proof is the pudding and it worked for us. My sympathy to your daughter. I know it hurts.

    Thank you for stopping by and your nice comment.

    I wish you and your family love and blessings on Christmas.
    Wanna buy a duck

  7. Boys do suck. You asked about waiting until after the holiday's to break up or do it before.
    Years ago, I knew I wanted to break up with my boyfriend my the middle of Nov. He was living with me and it was not working out. I loved his mother. I still talk to her now and then. Years before, my b/f's father had cut off the mothers wedding ring. She had awful arthritis and her fingers were swollen. Nobody in that family had the ring resized for her. So for years she was without her ring. I decided that we would all get the ring resized and give it to her for Christmas. Hence, I couldn't/wouldn't break up with him until after Christmas. Teen boys are stupid and don't think far enough in advance. Return his gift and you and your daughter go out to lunch with it.
    I know it hurts for her and you to watch it.

  8. Hi!!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and visiting the Follow Friday 40 and Over Blog Hop!

    I am now following you. Please follow me if you haven't already done so!!

    Be sure to come by on Sunday for the Meet Me On Monday Blog Hop!

    Have a great day and Merry Christmas!!

  9. Merry Christmas Everyone. Thanks for stopping by. Onemixedbag- what a sweet story - I am glad you kept in touch through the years.
    Manzanita- we're doing much better today. She played Ave Maria at Christmas Eve Service, I directed the pageant and it was really nice and uplifting - a great way to keep our mind's off of things. Java- I'll follow you too- THANKS!

  10. sometimes girls are the sucky ones ;)

    I'm glad to read that your daughter is NOT blaming you. unfortunately that could happen

    Oh, the heartache we go through with our kids. They don't realize how much it hurts us when they hurt.

    Thanks for the follow at For One Another...here I am following you now!

  11. Thanks for stopping by!! "BOYS" CAN suck... and so can "GIRLS"... LOL!! Boy do I have a heart-break story of a ^%$&%* %^$^%* *)&^%^ girl that my college boy altered ALL his future plans He gave up scholarship to go where SHE had scholarship... decided NOT to go on a mission (he'd planned on that his whole life...) all because she COULD NOT "LIVE" without him??? She NEEDED him and wanted a future with him. (He wanted to get college mostly done before going down that road too quickly... THANK GOD!) He bought her a promise ring, which SHE ACCEPTED and WORE...

    As he struggles working his way through (MORE expensive) college, not even a SEMESTER goes by and she is side tracked by guys she met on PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION!!!??? REALLY!!! The 1st he forgave freely... the 2nd gave an ultimatum... She dumped him like a hot potato and ripped his heart from his chest. She left gaping wounds for our holidays last year. (It was on Dec 11) and he hasn't seriously dated ANYONE since... which I'm OK with while he finishes college. ;p His scar runs deep... Do they sell vanishing cream for that? LOL!!

    You're a GREAT mom. I hope she realizes that you ALWAYS WANT what is best for her... even though she doesn't always see the big picture. Funny how a decade later they go... "I get it now!" LOL!! (((HUGS)))

  12. What a colossal jerk. When I started reading your post, I remembered that my mom told me that some boys will break up with girls so they don't have to buy gifts...then I read the rest of your post. YS is in band, so I know what you're talking about band being all consuming. We're about to pull him out of winter drum line if his trig grade doesn't come up.
    I hate that your holiday was ruined by that "sucky boy".

  13. Holly that is terrible! You never know what people are thinking. I guess it all really does happen for a reason. Better to find out early before marriage and all. Mary - isn't it a tough call. My daughter plans to study music in college so I want her to be in Jazz Band but you can't really get to college by failing your core classes now can you. Thanks for stopping by!

  14. I feel sad for your daughter - even though it's the best thing, it's always painful. And it's definitely sucky to have that happen right before Christmas and in that way! Of course, it's better sooner than later. I hope your daughter heals quickly. Hoping for a wonderful 2011 for you and your family!

    I'm your newest follower.
    Deb @ RaisingFigureSkaters.com


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