Sunday Food for Thought on Teen Angst and Parenting

To Lie or not to Lie that is the Question What is a Parent to do?

What would you do? Parenting is hard. Kids don't come with instructions. Just because you can raise a baby to a teen, doesn't mean you can successfully raise a teenager. We all make mistakes. We learn together. Lying is the hardest part. Looking for advice on raising teens? Yeah... we don't have any. Enjoy!

My Musings on Teens and Lying.

What Would You Do?

Scenario:

You haven't been feeling well and you got sick during passing period at school. You stay in the bathroom for several minutes to recover.  You don't want to walk into class late - you'll feel embarrassed.

I'd go to the school nurse, tell her what happened, and ask for a pass.

Reasoning for not:  Didn't want to get sent home, wanted to go to the other classes.

Here's the kicker (s).

"When I came out of the bathroom I looked down and saw a blank hall pass in front of the lockers. I picked it up and used it to get back in class."

What? Do I look like I was born yesterday?

"It's the truth."

So... you expect me to believe that you are incredibly lucky?

"That's what happened."

Wow.  So, why do you think that happened? God is watching over you and just decided to help you skip class?

"I don't know."

Hmm... stuff like that only happens in the movies. Unless... maybe the Devil's been watching you and thinks he can get you on his team, you know?  Maybe it was a test and you passed with flying colors. Or did you fail? Anyway, if you're that lucky, we better go buy a lottery ticket.

"Okay! I saw some passes on a shelf a few weeks ago. When I came out of the bathroom, I remembered them, went back and got one."

Hmm... So, you saw these passes just lying around waiting to be taken and nobody else took them over a two-week period?

"That's right. I was surprised too."

Hmm... I bet you were.   You know, about now, your Dad would be saying something like, 'it's getting really deep in here' or 'that's a load of crap. So, what really happened?

Silence.  Anger rages.  Evil glares.

"I saw the passes a few weeks ago, I picked them up really fast, because I didn't want any STUPID people to take them and try to use them."

Hmm... Really? Why didn't you throw them away or flush them to protect the stupid?

More evil glares.

"I was in a hurry! I dropped them in a basket in my band locker.  Some of my friends walked by and saw them. They said, 'Whooo, you could use those to cut class'. That's where I got the idea."

Pfft! I want to laugh. I'm trying not to cry. My emotions are boiling over.

Am I insane? Hmm... So you're friends gave you the idea?

"Yes! I've seen STUPID people passing bogus hall passes to the teachers. The teacher look at them, say, 'this looks phony' and nothing happens. They get away with it!"

As far as you know.

"What!?"

As far as you know, they get away with it. The teacher probably turns it in to the office as 'bogus'.

So, let me tell you what I think happened. I think you saw the passes a few weeks ago, picked them up and put them in your locker waiting for an opportunity to use them.

Silence. Hands over face. Squinty eyes and rage ensues.

"Fine! I saw the passes and saved them to use them the NEXT time I cut class."

What? The next time?

"Yeah, I've skipped a bunch of times. I got  away with it. The teacher caught me twice but it was last period and I told her I went home early. She said if she caught me again she'd turn me in for all three times. I hate that class; it is full of STUPID people."

Hmm...  Stupid people who skip class, flunk class, and have to take learning recovery to fix their grades?

"Yes!"

And you're different from them because...?

"I'm not STUPID!"

I bet they aren't all stupid. I bet some of them come from broken homes, or they don't have homes, or their parents are drug dealers, or they have to work to help the family and don't have time for homework, or their parents fight all night long and they don't get any sleep, or...  you get the idea. 

Don't judge. You have no idea what goes on at their house. Maybe they have a learning disability and they are doing the best they can. 

Remind me why you are in that class?

"Because, I didn't turn in my essays!"

That's right; the essay the teacher called about the first week of school to let us know you needed to turn in. The essay that was a series of essays you had already turned in. The essay she emailed me about a week later. The essay she called me about at the end of the grading period. The essay that was just a couple of paragraphs on Martin Luther King or Cesar Chavez. 

The essay, you told me you completed when I got your progress report. The essay your father and I made you do in your room.
The one you bounced down the stairs smiling saying, "It's done." 

Thank God. "That wasn't so bad," said your Dad. "Aren't you glad it's over?"

The essay your teacher called me about a week before the end of the semester. She pleaded with me to have you turn it in so you didn't fail her class. She couldn't promise more than a 'D', but she'd see what she could do because the rest of your work was on par. 

You are one of her favorite students.

The essay you told me she lost. I relayed that message and she laughed, "Unlikely, I can't believe she'd say that. They go in a basket right by the door. I'll look again but..."

The essay, you finally promised you finished and handed in, and when the grades came out and you failed AP English, you said, "She lied. I knew she'd flunk me. I knew it didn't matter!" 

What? No. She wouldn't, she couldn't... she promised. We've got to call her and talk to her about this! "We can't; she's on maternity leave." 

Hmm...  Well, that's convenient; isn't it? Please help me understand; I know you didn't turn it in.

"I'm tired of getting low scores when everyone around me cries about missing one point!"

Hmm...  So, you'd rather flunk the entire class rather than earning a 'B'?

"Yep; at least people won't think I'm stupid. I'll just tell them I flunked because I didn't turn in my homework!"

Really? Let me consult with your Dad. It's unanimous, we both agree. He says,"It's stupid to flunk a class over one stupid essay. I think that's stupid." 

Right. The grade on the essay didn't even matter. Points were received (or not) for turning in all of the essays.

Five English classes in a row. Five teachers, "You're daughter is very intelligent. Brilliant. A joy to have in class." 

Five F's. Bored, you say? The first one was regular English. We decided she could fail AP English just as easily. So, she did.  Apparently, the teacher's are stupid and the work is 'unecessary busy work'.

Are there magic words that we can use to help her understand that brilliant, intelligent people can also do stupid things that make them appear stupid?

She's got guts. I can't imagine. She signed her name to the hall pass and turned it into the librarian who asked her who wrote it. She couldn't answer. The librarian asked what classes she was coming from. The librarian called the teacher who said, "Well, she's a good kid. If she skipped class she must have had a good reason." The librarian turned it into the Dean. 

How'd I find out? Innocently, "How was school today?"

"Oh, did they call you? I knew they would. Here's what happened..."

Shock. No one called, ever. I called the counselor. She has no record of any class cutting or other things we have dealt with at school. Neither the Librarian nor the Dean contacted her. Did it really get to the Dean?I don't know.  The Dean is also her volleyball coach- who knows what a fantastic citizen she is- 'a joy to have on the team'. 

If we are never punished for our actions, won't we keep repeating them, perhaps with more intensity and boldness each time?

After all, if she is getting away with this over and over again, isn't she really smarter than the rest of us "STUPID people"?

I'm a goody two-shoes; I would have done exactly what she said, 'picked that pass up before anyone else could take it and get into trouble', but I would have thrown it away immediately.

How about you? 

Are you sure about that? What would you do?

You might also like: I've got a confession to make involving hard-core drugs. I think you'll find it very interesting.

You might like our Pinterest Board for Teens too.











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How to Find Pinterest Group Boards

Want a Pinterest Group Board Finder?

If you're like me, you probably want an easy way to find Pinterest Group Boards. I pin for this blog and for other websites. Yes, you can hire me, but you can also do it on your own. I used to spend hours searching for the desired board title and then scrolling through all of the boards to find a group board. That's grueling and it takes hours! So, what is a Pinterest Group Board Finder and how do you find Pinterest Group Boards? Read on, and as always, Enjoy!

This post contains affiliate links for your convenience.

Want a Pinterest Group Board Finder?

Feeling Disrespected by Family

Do you often feel cast aside and disrespected by family members?

Are you feeling disrespected in your relationships? Most of us feel disrespected at times, even when no one really means to show us disrespect. Parenting is hard, but being the mom is harder. Society puts pressure on moms to always do the right thing, to put on a happy face, and never to let the family see that you’re human too. How do you know when you’re just feeling emotional versus when the disrespect is out of control? Feeling disrespected by family stifles good vibes, what can you do?

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't quote.

 This sponsored post contains Amazon affiliate links. All opinions are my own.

 

Kids will be kids. But when teenagers behave like teenagers, family relationships can get difficult. When do you choose your battle, when do you ignore the emotional roller coaster, and when do you jump on the parenting train to try to fix it? Is it just a phase or are they modeling the behavior of another family member? If your partner is disrespectful, chances are your kids will be too. Not sure if your partner has crossed the line? ReGain has a very eye-opening article that can help you decide.

Get my Debut Novel: Allegedly Mystic

If your kids are suffering from the effects of your relationship, they may act out or become depressed. Children, especially teens, get frustrated by their lack of control over their life situations. Sometimes they feel like the situation is hopeless- no matter how hard you try to work with them. I’ve been down this road more than once. It doesn’t get any easier with practice. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and be prepared to be the bad guy no matter what you say. The old adage, “You’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t,” starts to feel like the title of your life.

When I split with my partner of fifteen years, we all suffered with depression and the fear of the unknown. As a parent, watching your children suffer is painful. No matter how much you want to help, your help may not be the answer. Public school counselors can often help zero in on issues like adhd, autism, depression, suicidal tendencies, or other emotional issues. If you’re a homeschooler, finding an affordable counselor isn’t as easy. There are many online resources. This article might help a teen who is fighting to hold back tears when they’re feeling frustrated or angry: Why do I cry when I’m Mad?

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, this article from GoodTherapy shares a list of teen help hotlines and other free mental health resources. Your pediatrician can also do a depression evaluation survey, and based on the results, refer you to a family counselor. Many family therapists operate on a sliding scale. 

Articles on Autism

After the upheaval in our family, the kids and I moved to our happy place. A little cottage on a quiet lake, where we could swim, kayak, and birdwatch to our heart’s content. The first few weeks we kept our minds busy by remodeling the house, but after a while reality set in, and we decided to try family counseling. No one really enjoyed it, we had to make some sacrifices to find an affordable therapist which ended up being an hour from home. By the time we got off the waiting list, much of the family dynamic had changed and the diagnosis was changed from severe depression to adhd. The counselor had to have a diagnosis for our insurance to continue to pay, but it didn’t really seem to fit our circumstances.

With other members of the family with adhd, we had some prior experience dealing with the ups and downs, and this really wasn’t the same thing. It was nice to have a neutral party listen to our problems, but it wasn’t really worth the trouble. It caused more stress on an already stressed relationship, because the kids didn’t want to go and the family dynamic continued to play out. I know that sounds counterintuitive. I know that I’m the parent and I shouldn’t let the kids overrule me, but believe me, this wasn’t good for any of us. At the time, an online therapy option would’ve been ideal. 

Finally, the best solution for our family came through the advice of our pediatrician, the kids needed their own life. They needed more activities that they enjoyed. Sure, we did homeschool groups, 4-H, and summer camps, but it wasn’t enough. My kids were at a place in their lives where they needed more, even if they didn’t want more. They also needed less. Less time with mom, less time with each other. We all needed some space to help distance ourselves from the previous situation.

The biggest battle we faced was a lack of real relationships. There were no close relationships so that the kids could see healthy family behaviors modeled. We lived over an hour away from any relatives, so extended family time was few and far between. It was definitely time for a major change. After some heartfelt conversations with the pediatrician, relatives, and close friends, we decided our life needed an overhaul. The biggest piece of the puzzle that we all longed for was a sense of belonging. So we packed our bags and moved back to my hometown where we could be closer to family that would provide a support network as we all stepped out into the real world for the first time in years. I took a part-time job as an activity assistant at a retirement home and the kids both enrolled in public school. Talk about change! Change is scary, but sometimes we need a catalyst to set our lives in the right direction. All of these changes have led me to a wonderful opportunity with our local Habitat for Humanity. Look for more updates in coming posts.

 

Recommended:

If Mama Ain't Happy Article from Adventures of Kids Creative Chaos

Signs of Trouble? Article from Adventures of Kids Creative Chaos

Get Fit with these Fitness Gift Ideas

 Gift Ideas to Stay Fit and Healthy

Here I am again, out of shape. This time, I'm not alone. Covid isolation wasn't kind to many of us. So, once again, I have to get fit. The last time, I really thought I'd kicked it, I had maintained my weight loss and healthy habits for over five years. Sigh. Life is a constant battle. I thought you might want to join me on the journey this time. Are you ready to get fit with these fitness gift ideas? It's okay to buy them for yourself! We all deserve pampering after the past year and a half.

                        This post contains Amazon and other affiliate links for your convenience.

It's July 2021 and I'm kicking off my fitness routine-  Again.  You can follow along on Instagram. Step one, buy cool fitness products to keep motivated!

Fitness Gift Ideas List:

• I've had these Jenn Ardor walking shoes for over two years now. They are lightweight, sturdy, comfortable, breathable mesh. This makes them perfect for hot summer days. 

What I love about them: They just slip on and off, they're comfortable, and they're easy to clean.

Hop over to Instagram to see the shoes on my feet! 

Since then, I've walked in them (you know, back in 2019.) I even mowed the yard in them. Don't you do that, they're a thin mesh, you should mow in boots to protect your feet. Anyway, the point is, these are durable, inexpensive, walking shoes!

• It's not Lemonade, it's Nakedade.  Can you get fit and feel good about yourself naked? I sure hope so! I tried the Nakedade Electrolytes Powder Packets in Fruit Punch flavor. It smells delicious! 

What I like about it: The sweetener is derived from beet juice. Beets are rumored to lower blood pressure. No idea if that works with this powder, but you can read about it, beet benefits.

Here's the blurb about Nakedade:

Nakedade starts with Palatinose™ (isomaltulose), a low-glycemic smart carb derived from sugar beets. We isolate the sucrose from sugar beets, and remove any potentially harmful fructose and glucose. Palatinose™ improves fat oxidation and provides a steady supply of energy to increase exercise endurance.* 285 mg of potassium in Nakedade helps you stay hydrated and replenish electrolytes lost through sweat.

My thoughts:  

• I wish I'd tried Blueberry Lemonade too. It sounds so good. Next time!
• I had to use scissors to open the packet, maybe I'm just a weakling?
• Play fair. Don't drink this after you've had hardcore sweetener like regular juice or soda. Cleanse your  palette with water first. 
• Don't drink it warm. Pop it in a cooler or the freezer for a special treat after a work out. 
• It's a great alternative to those other electrolyte drinks with sugar and artificial sweeteners.
• It's good, especially if you aren't a sugar addict. If so, it may take some getting used to. 

How can you stop consuming sugar? Try these tips.

As always, remember, you can do it!

• I don't know if this falls in the category of fitness gift ideas, but a really good way to help rid your body of sugar loving yeast is to take a daily probiotic. This affordable probiotic from Amazon works well, but it gave me some unpleasant side effects when I used it daily. 

Everyone seems to react differently to different strains. There are many types of probiotics so try a few options before you give up on them. My favorite is the Align generic from Target. My Gastroenterologist actually recommended Align. The Target knock-off is much less expensive and works just as well for me. 

Tip: If I take too much of it without eating properly I get shaky and emotional. You're supposed to take probioitcs with a full glass of water.  Start slowly with one probiotic a day or even every other day.  As you begin to succeed with Candida die off you can get Herxheimer syndrome. A Herkheimer reaction can make you feel tired and cranky. Once you work past the yeast die off, life on the other side of too much yeast and sugar over indulgence is so much better. Just remember Stevia can be your best friend. Learn more about the downside of probiotics.

What I like about it: It keeps thing moving.

• Stevia is a great replacement for sugar. Like the Nakedade above, replacement sweetener can take some getting used to. There are several Stevia based drinks and Gift Packs available.

What I like about it: Stevia comes from a plant that you can grow yourself!

Russel Stove Chocolate sugar free sweetened with Stevia.

• Joy Lab work out clothing for women is comfortable and affordable. At Target, I found navy and peach leggings, tanks, and sports bras.

What I like about it:  This fitness wear is comfortable and well made.

 

• My favorite get fit fitness gift idea is this Weight Gurus Scale from Target.  

What I like about it:  No struggle to turn it on, step on the scale and your weight appears. Connect the Bluetooth app to track you weight loss and bmi.

Recommended:

More on my weight loss journey

Quotes about weight loss

How to Enter Indiana State Fair: County 4 H Fair

What to Know for 4 H Club 

How do I enter the Indiana State Fair? Want to know, we've got answers and all details of what to expect during your first year of 4 H. Enjoy!

Emotional Issues from Childhood Follow You To Adulthood

Are Your Personal Intimacy Issues Affecting the Family Unit?

Is your relationship in trouble? Straying from our regular blog topics, we’ve been writing a series on mental health. Turns out something that sounds like a very adult subject matter, has a wider effect on our personal lives. Personal intimacy issues. Say what? 

This post contains Amazon and other affiliate links. All opinions are my own.

Generally, when we think of personal intimacy issues we think about sex. However, personal intimacy can also mean emotional intimacy. Many people struggle with emotional intimacy and over time, this alone can break a relationship. You don’t have to be sexually active to struggle with emotional intimacy issues. In fact, emotional intimacy issues can contribute to sexual intimacy. 

Depending on your family situation, you could be setting your kids up for emotional disaster. How do you raise healthy, emotionally intelligent children? Obviously, if we had all the answers, everyone on Earth would be emotionally stable, but life happens, right? 

Depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, bi-polar disorder, and a variety of other common mental health issues can lead to a lifetime of difficulties in interpersonal relationships. If you can’t get along with family members, you’re likely not going to get along with peers or co-workers and your intimate relationships are going to suffer.

If you notice a family member struggling with interpersonal relationships, what can you do? The first step is to identify the problem. What is causing the mental health issue? It could be a chemical imbalance, childhood trauma, abuse, or even neglect.

If your children suffer, the next step is to get help. Whether you seek out a therapist in your community or find help online, getting an outside perspective is key to improving your situation. If the family dynamic is suffering due to personal intimacy issues between the parents, there are many resources online that can help. 

However, I know from personal experience that it can be difficult to get both partners on the same page. Sometimes, one partner would rather throw in the towel than ask for help from an outside source. I’ve been told that if you need an outsider to help, it’s far too late. Other people may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed to talk about their personal intimacy issues. For more information on common intimacy issues visit this link:  https://www.regain.us/advice/intimacy/common-intimacy-issues-and-how-to-deal-with-them/

When parents aren’t emotionally or physically connected, the children often face emotional issues as well, and can suffer from neglect. Parents can get so wrapped up in their personal problems, that they neglect their children without even realizing it. The key to a happy, healthy family is to keep all of the cogs working cohesively. Immediately after the breakup of our family, as they watched me fall apart, my children seemed surprisingly well adjusted. 

However, whether they knew it or not, they were holding it together, trying to be strong for mom. As time passed and I grew stronger and more sure about my own choices, my children began to show the after effects of the reality of a broken family. They withdrew, became emotional, and even aggressive at times. It seemed their entire personalities had changed in a few short weeks. 

Not only were we dealing with the break of our family unit, but the raging hormones of the wonderful land of teendom had conveniently coincided with it.  While there’s no good time for a breakup, note to self, the early teenage years have got to be worse. If I had to go back in time and do it all over again, I would do it sooner. My relationship with their father wasn’t good for any of us. Our personalities were not compatible and no amount of trying or counseling were going to improve it.

I struggled with perfectionism and obsessive-compulsive disorder, admitting the relationship wasn’t meant to be was extremely difficult for me. It took my children growing up and becoming reasonable, rational human beings who could recognize that the situation was impossible to repair, to give me the kick in the butt that I needed to move forward with my life. Unfortunately, all of this took a toll on their emotional well-being. 

If you’re facing a difficult situation in your relationship, don’t be afraid or embarrassed to seek out help. Don’t wait until the issues are out of control and beyond repair. Though humans are resilient, many mental health issues can get worse over time. Be sure you’re doing everything you can to satisfy the needs of your children and protect not only their physical, but also their emotional well- being.

 

Recommended:

Feeling Disrespected by Family?

If Mama Ain't Happy Mental Health Article

Teen Angst

Sunday Food for Thought: What Would You Do? The Flight or Fight Instinct

What Would You Do: The Flight of Fight Instinct

So, you think you're perfect, do you?  Me too.  At least, I try. I used to work very hard at it; until, one day, I realized perfect is a lot of trouble.  Since then, I just try to do my best. WWJD and all that jazz.  My teenager was learning about flight or fight.  She was describing how it's human instinct to run away from danger.  If a building is burning, most people run away to protect themselves, maybe they run to safety and then call 911. 

Disney's Tinkerbell often practice Fight or Flight.

"Are you crazy", I ask.  "Is that what you would do?" 
"Umm, yes, hello, I'm no hero.  I'm human."
"Really?  Is that what most people would do?" 
"Yes!  That's what separates us from the heroes. Natural instinct."
"I'm flipping out here.  What if someone is in the building?"
"You hope someone else saves them.  You call 911."
"No way!  I'm counting my kids. I'm making sure we're all safe, and I'm going back in to save whoever I can. What if there is a helpless animal inside?"
"Hope.  Pray."

No way!  I'm going in.  I did that once.  Well, I tried to.  People wouldn't let me.  A house was burning. I called 911.  I thought they were gone.  I knew they had dogs inside.  I ran to the house. It was only smoking. I looked in the windows.  I tried to open the sliding glass doors.  Only the garage was burning at the time.  The owner of the home was working in the garage.  He got out safely.  He never tried to save the dogs.  I couldn't get anything open.  Bystanders made me stop trying.  By the time the firemen arrived it was too late. They died of smoke inhalation.

I'm not a hero.  As I often say, maybe I'm just insane.

Turns out, I'm not perfect either.  Not even close.

Once, I worked in a restaurant, it was a small part of a larger organization. I helped seat people between checking on my special catered events. 

The restaurant manager had been at the hostess stand with another employee.  A dishwasher.  He should have been in the kitchen. He was a seasonal employee.  In the summer he came from Mexico to work for a few months. I later found out that he had a fake social security card.

After they left the hostess stand, I went to greet some customers.  Looking down, I noticed a tiny baggie of white powder on the floor.  I quickly scooped it up and put it in my pocket.  I didn't want a customer or their child to pick it up.

I seated the guests and went out into the corridor to gather my thoughts.  I leaned over the counter of the security desk and looked at the stream of videos coming from all parts of the grounds. Nothing seemed unusual.  I considered telling the security guard.  I considered asking him to call the police.

We'd had some trouble. The restaurant manager was on rocky ground.  He was on the verge of being fired. I felt like he had something to do with the package.  I asked the security guard if he knew where the PIC (person in charge) was.  "I think he's in his office."

I went to his office and told him a 'what if' scenario.  'He'd call the police.'  I knew I would too, but I didn't feel like I could. I had to work with these people.  I was dating the manager.  Worse than that, I had moved in with him. Where would I sleep?  What would I do?

"How about you call the police since you're the PIC and all?" He gazed at me with a quizzical grin.
"How about you call the police since you're the one who found it and all?"

Anyway, immediately upon moving in with the manager, I'd become aware of my mistake.  It was a dreadful decision that will haunt me for the rest of my life. But I couldn't tell anyone.  What would they think of me?

The truth is, I felt quite certain, said manager had something to do with the drugs.  The PIC agreed.

Dilemma. 

I went back to the security desk and hung out for awhile. I saw a policeman patrolling the parking lot. I wondered what would happen if he caught me with the drugs in my pocket?  I felt like a criminal.

It's a restaurant, right?  Maybe it's just a packet of low-cal sweetener?

It could be cocaine, crack, crystal meth; I don't know. 

I've never even taken a puff of a cigarette. Once a group of my friends dared me to try 'Skoal Bandits'. I did.  Can you believe that? I can't. But my Dad had once suggested my Aunt purchase tobacco for her abscessed tooth.  It was a home remedy and it worked!  Plus, they were legal at the time, no matter your age.  But, I digress.

What I do know is that my fingerprints are all over the bag.

I decided to ask the manager/boyfriend. I wanted to see how he'd react.

He grabbed it from my hand and looked at it.  "This is heroin!  Where'd you get it?"

I told him the story. 

"You better get rid of it.   The police are outside."

"Why don't you get rid of it for me?"

"Are you crazy?  No way, I'm not going to get caught with that!  My fingerprints are all over it now."

Well... at least he didn't take it and use it.

I didn't want to throw it in the trash.  Someone might dig it out. I told the boyfriend that I was going to flush it.  "Don't do that!  It might not go down. They might trace it back to you.  Take it home and flush it."

So, I decided to do exactly that.  Don't ask me why I thought that was a good idea.  I just don't know what came over me.  I was scared.  I was afraid of losing my job, going to jail, losing my home, my boyfriend, my life...  Just failing in general, I guess.

On the five minute drive home, I became increasingly paranoid. I was terrified I'd be stopped and the police would search the car.  The rain was pelting my windshield.  My heart pounded.  I panicked.

I threw the baggie out the window.

I did. Me, an intelligent, thirty-year-old, goody two-shoes, with nothing to hide.

Immediately I realized my faux pas, more panic.

I wanted to turn around and try to retrieve it.  What if a bird picked it up and ate it?   Or a raccoon?  What if that spot was a bus stop?  What if the kids found it in the morning?  But...

What if I went back, in the dark, in the falling rain and started scrambling on the ground looking for a bag of drugs?  I'd look like an addict! My prints were on the bag. What if a cop came by and found me?

I never went back. I went home.  I stayed with this guy for nearly three more years.  We never discussed the baggie again.

Later, I told my Dad the story.  He had just one question.  "How did the guy know it was heroin?  Who would know that heroin came in a white powder like that?  Who, but a druggie or drug dealer?"

Good question, Dad.  I hadn't thought of that.  So, my instincts were accurate.  The guy had something to do with it.  Why hadn't I turned it in?  I could have saved myself from three, long years of Hell on Earth. Why?

About a year later, after said manager/boyfriend had lost his job and I ended up quitting also, the PIC and I went out to dinner.  "Whatever happened with those drugs you found?"  I told him. I could see the disappointment in his eyes. He'd tried to get me to do the right thing.  Why hadn't I?

I just don't know.  I deeply regret it.  I am not perfect.  I am not a hero.  Apparently, I am not a goody-two shoes either.  If I had it all to do over again, I would take the risk of losing my place to live, my job, and my boyfriend.

Likely, I would have ended up with the other man. Two goody two-shoes together, in the right place at the right time.

I don't know, would I? 

All of those events brought me to my life today. To my beautiful family, (I never thought I'd have) to my life as I now know it- where I can sit on my high-horse and contemplate doing the right thing... next time I get the chance. 

So... How can we blame our kids for impulsive actions when we can't even be sure of ourselves?

Did you read "Hall Pass Thief"?

Looking for 1 Year Old Birthday Gifts?

Best Toys and Gift Ideas for 1 Year Old Girls

Have a one year old baby's birthday coming up? So, what are the best toys and gifts for a one year old? Nothing feels better than watching your baby girl grow. You want to be there when she makes her first step, and you want to be the first one to hear her alter her first word. These moments are magical. Believe me, it gets even more exciting when she turns a year old. It's her first birthday and it's normal to feel super excited and overwhelmed. How do you make it special and unforgettable? Other than holding a birthday party and inviting all your friends and their kids to celebrate, getting the perfect gift is the best way to ensure that your baby girl never forgets the day.

This post contains Amazon affiliate links.

But wait! Which is the best gift for a one-year-old girl? A toy is the best catch here. You want the best for your daughter, something that she will like and even if you were to keep it and show it to her when she is already all grown up, she would have the same smile she had when you first showed the toy to her when she was one year old.

What to get a 1 year old girl on their Birthday? 

Choosing such a toy can be a daunting task. This article aims to make the work easy for you by outlining a list of the best gifts and toys for a one year old girls.

A VTech pull and sing puppy

Kids love puppies, and they find them to be the cutest thing, and it gets even better when puppies and toddlers are combined. Not all girls are into barking, taking dogs for walks and having a pooping pooch. You do not have to get a real puppy to match the experience for your baby girl. If she loves puppies, a VTech pull and sing puppy is an excellent choice.

The little guy can do tricks and other stuff that real dogs can do and more. He can sing, teach numbers, body parts and colors as the baby pulls him around his leash. It comes with over 50 songs and melodies to keep the kid entertained, and she will never get bored even if you were to leave her alone as you do chores around the house. You, however, need to include a battery.

Baby Einstein take along tunes

Kids are sensory. Its smell and touch alone are enough to make the baby glued to the creature as she tries to figure out how the machine can respond to her queries. If your kid is already a young jammer trying to get her tune in line, this toy will do her good. It's a kind of jukebox that switches between a total of seven melodies.

What's more? It lights up as it sings. It also comes with a volume control button and two AA batteries. It's a perfect toy for small hands, and your kid will not struggle as she plays with it. Even better; it is made of a soft polypropylene surface which makes it safe for children. The color and design are cute, so it does not scare the baby away.

Fisher Price brilliant basics first doll

Girls love trying to play-pretend at this age, and a baby doll is a perfect gift to help foster her imagination. She can tote the doll around as she tries to learn new words and understand different body parts like the mouth, legs, hands, and eyes. Dolls are soft and cuddly which makes it ideal for helping the baby in social recognition and giving them a sense of comfort when playing with it. She will carry the doll where she goes which is also a way of learning a sense of possession.

Fisher-price Baby’s first Blocks playlist

Your child will have a blast with this gift set on her birthday. It features two Fisher-Price toys a baby’s first block and a rock-a-stack. What she has to do is sort them for fun, which is a perfect way to keep baby busy and put her mind at work.

Such toys help develop problem skills too. The toy is meant to prepare kids for preschool through mental development. Grasping, sorting, and stocking the blocks is a fun way for your baby to stay happy as she explores. It will teach her a sense of discovery as she tries to see what happens after all the rings are sorted and stacked.

LeapFrog count and crawl number Kitty

Get your child on the move on many skills with this unique, cute kitty. The doll is designed to enhance a great push and play experience for little ones, keeping them busy and offering them a positive way of having fun. It comes with keys, that when pressed, make the cat start counting in a rhythm. How exciting is that? That's not all.

There are also music mode keys that command the cat to play meows in low and high modes as she makes silly sounds. Pushing the kitty makes her produce fun counting songs that your baby girl will want to listen to the whole day. The kitty can sit, bat, scoot, and crawl. This toy is a perfect way of nurturing mental development and balance in your baby as she explores and counts numbers one to twenty and learns new music. It comes in beautiful colors to keep your baby's attention.

The choices are endless, and these are only a few of the best and highly reviewed toys. The best part is that they are all durable and you can keep them and show them to your baby girl when she is all grown up.

How do you choose a good toy for a one year old?

You shouldn't choose the first toy that comes when conducting an online searches in sites. Let's take look at what should inform your purchase of a one year old's gift. 

Considerations when buying a present for a one year-old girl

• Safety – some toys are just not safe for babies and they even come with a safety warning signs. You will realize that some of them have been written to explain that they aren't recommended for kids under the age of five. This is probably because the toy has some aspects that could compromise the baby’s safety. Kids at this age love putting things in their mouth and you have to ensure that what you get cannot choke your baby. Also, make sure that the toy is non-toxic and doesn't have sharp edges.

• Go for educational toys – it shouldn't be all about play and fun. The child should be able to learn something when interacting with the toy. This is the developmental stage, and therefore, the toy should at least sharpen her mental development, communication skills, and cognitive capacity. Your baby will probably be spending most of her time with the toy, and therefore, it should be in a position to help her learn.

• The toy should enhance coordination – it's around this time of her life that a baby girl will be learning how to roll over and pull up as she tries to take her first step. Choose a toy that can help her enhance her motor skills and coordination as she starts to stand and walk. Keeping baby's hands and legs busy improves her strength too.

• Color and material – these are also aspects to keep in mind. You want something that will attract a baby girl and you should choose brightly colored toys over the dull ones. Pink, blue, yellow, red, and white are the most recommended colors for girls. The material takes you back to safety. Choose something soft but durable.

Recommended:

Baby Articles for New Moms from Kids Creative Chaos

Best Selling Toys for One Year Old Girls

Gift Ideas for Girls