Feeling Disrespected by Family

Do you often feel cast aside and disrespected by family members?

Are you feeling disrespected in your relationships? Most of us feel disrespected at times, even when no one really means to show us disrespect. Parenting is hard, but being the mom is harder. Society puts pressure on moms to always do the right thing, to put on a happy face, and never to let the family see that you’re human too. How do you know when you’re just feeling emotional versus when the disrespect is out of control? Feeling disrespected by family stifles good vibes, what can you do?

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't quote.

 This sponsored post contains Amazon affiliate links. All opinions are my own.

 

Kids will be kids. But when teenagers behave like teenagers, family relationships can get difficult. When do you choose your battle, when do you ignore the emotional roller coaster, and when do you jump on the parenting train to try to fix it? Is it just a phase or are they modeling the behavior of another family member? If your partner is disrespectful, chances are your kids will be too. Not sure if your partner has crossed the line? ReGain has a very eye-opening article that can help you decide.

Get my Debut Novel: Allegedly Mystic

If your kids are suffering from the effects of your relationship, they may act out or become depressed. Children, especially teens, get frustrated by their lack of control over their life situations. Sometimes they feel like the situation is hopeless- no matter how hard you try to work with them. I’ve been down this road more than once. It doesn’t get any easier with practice. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and be prepared to be the bad guy no matter what you say. The old adage, “You’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t,” starts to feel like the title of your life.

When I split with my partner of fifteen years, we all suffered with depression and the fear of the unknown. As a parent, watching your children suffer is painful. No matter how much you want to help, your help may not be the answer. Public school counselors can often help zero in on issues like adhd, autism, depression, suicidal tendencies, or other emotional issues. If you’re a homeschooler, finding an affordable counselor isn’t as easy. There are many online resources. This article might help a teen who is fighting to hold back tears when they’re feeling frustrated or angry: Why do I cry when I’m Mad?

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, this article from GoodTherapy shares a list of teen help hotlines and other free mental health resources. Your pediatrician can also do a depression evaluation survey, and based on the results, refer you to a family counselor. Many family therapists operate on a sliding scale. 

Articles on Autism

After the upheaval in our family, the kids and I moved to our happy place. A little cottage on a quiet lake, where we could swim, kayak, and birdwatch to our heart’s content. The first few weeks we kept our minds busy by remodeling the house, but after a while reality set in, and we decided to try family counseling. No one really enjoyed it, we had to make some sacrifices to find an affordable therapist which ended up being an hour from home. By the time we got off the waiting list, much of the family dynamic had changed and the diagnosis was changed from severe depression to adhd. The counselor had to have a diagnosis for our insurance to continue to pay, but it didn’t really seem to fit our circumstances.

With other members of the family with adhd, we had some prior experience dealing with the ups and downs, and this really wasn’t the same thing. It was nice to have a neutral party listen to our problems, but it wasn’t really worth the trouble. It caused more stress on an already stressed relationship, because the kids didn’t want to go and the family dynamic continued to play out. I know that sounds counterintuitive. I know that I’m the parent and I shouldn’t let the kids overrule me, but believe me, this wasn’t good for any of us. At the time, an online therapy option would’ve been ideal. 

Finally, the best solution for our family came through the advice of our pediatrician, the kids needed their own life. They needed more activities that they enjoyed. Sure, we did homeschool groups, 4-H, and summer camps, but it wasn’t enough. My kids were at a place in their lives where they needed more, even if they didn’t want more. They also needed less. Less time with mom, less time with each other. We all needed some space to help distance ourselves from the previous situation.

The biggest battle we faced was a lack of real relationships. There were no close relationships so that the kids could see healthy family behaviors modeled. We lived over an hour away from any relatives, so extended family time was few and far between. It was definitely time for a major change. After some heartfelt conversations with the pediatrician, relatives, and close friends, we decided our life needed an overhaul. The biggest piece of the puzzle that we all longed for was a sense of belonging. So we packed our bags and moved back to my hometown where we could be closer to family that would provide a support network as we all stepped out into the real world for the first time in years. I took a part-time job as an activity assistant at a retirement home and the kids both enrolled in public school. Talk about change! Change is scary, but sometimes we need a catalyst to set our lives in the right direction. All of these changes have led me to a wonderful opportunity with our local Habitat for Humanity. Look for more updates in coming posts.

 

Recommended:

If Mama Ain't Happy Article from Adventures of Kids Creative Chaos

Signs of Trouble? Article from Adventures of Kids Creative Chaos

If Mama Ain't Happy Ain't Nobody Happy: The Family Relationship

Family Relationship Challenges

What’s the biggest relationship challenge in your family? How do you keep everything together, day in and day out, day after day? Time commitments, financial responsibilities, and emotional needs of each family member can take a toll on your happiness. Those people pleasers who need to take care of everyone often forget to take care of themselves. In my situation, I never wanted to spend money on personal needs (including health care) if it would take away from things my kids needed or wanted.

For years, we didn’t have health insurance, so any health setback caused major financial problems. I also didn’t take care of myself in other ways. I cut my own hair, never had a manicure until I was fifty years old, wore the same old clothes year after year, never went out to lunch with friends, never even saw my friends, and never indulged in frivolous things that I might want for the house. I considered any of that selfish.

This sponsored post contains Amazon affiliate links. All opinions are my own.

It’s important to take care of yourself. You’ve probably heard the quote, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain't nobody happy.” I’m sure there’s some truth to this. You can put on a happy face, but if your needs aren’t being met and you have nothing to look forward to, your relationship is going to suffer- even if you're not the one causing the majority of the turmoil. I know it’s difficult. I used to see other women spending too much time on themselves, ignoring the needs of their children. They’d go shopping for themselves several times a month while their children wore clothes they’d outgrown. I never wanted to be like that, but I took it too far the other way. You’ve been there. We don’t have to be martyrs to be mothers. Taking care of yourself, puts you in a better place. You’ll be better equipped to tackle those relationship issues with your partner. Communication is a key factor in the downward spiral of relationships. When communication is poor, everything else becomes difficult.

Eventually, lack of communication breaks the partnership. In my relationship, the more I tried to communicate with my partner, the more difficult the relationship became. There are things couples need to discuss. Things that can’t be swept under the rug. Plans for the future, health of your children, plans to make about family events to attend, even how each of you are feeling about the status of your relationship. When you have a partner who won’t talk to you about any of it, you’ve got a problem that needs fixed. Parents need to keep a united front for their children. They need to work together as a team for the greater good of the family, even if it means sacrificing the personal desires.

For me, self-care felt like a selfish, personal desire because my partner took up all that empty space for himself. He worked all the time or found extra things to do to help others, just to avoid coming home and facing real life problems. These problems ranged from my serious illness where I was bedridden for months, to house repairs, financial responsibilities, and even mental health problems the kids were facing. I couldn’t run off for a haircut or even a doctor’s appointment because there was no safety net. He couldn’t seem to  find an hour to give me a break and if he did, he’d use that hour to sleep - not to watch the kids. So, everywhere I went, I took the kids. Everywhere. 

Check out this old post about a family excursion, see any red flags?

Let me tell you, this is not only unhealthy for you, it’s also unhealthy for your kids. We all need time apart from each other. The kids feel it too. They need options. They need time away from the family.  Sure, we attended homeschool groups, summer camps, special events, 4-H and any other free or low cost activity I could find, but none of it made the pitfalls in our broken family any better. It just kept our mind’s busy enough to make it through another day- or so I thought.

Mama needs time to feel good about herself. Sure, you may think you don’t want to jog or join a walking club. You may think you can cut your own hair to save money for the greater good, you may think a vice here and there, maybe a pint of ice cream or bar of chocolate, are good survival mechanisms, but in the long run, if your always the one making sacrifices life’s not going to turn out like you hoped.

Remember when you started your relationship with your partner? You took care of yourself, you took showers- maybe even relaxing baths, you did your makeup, and bought yourself a flattering outfit. You went out to lunch with your friends. You had dinner dates with your partner and even did activities that you both enjoyed together. You probably even talked about your hopes and dreams for the future. Don’t let yourself get lost in the shuffle.  If it's not too late, fix it. If it is too late, do yourself a favor and try to fix it before throwing in the towel.

Don’t try to wait it out and hope it will get better. There’s no need to feel guilty about taking time for yourself.. If you can’t possibly spare the money or feel like spending money on relationship counseling would set you back financially, there are many affordable online counseling services out there. ReGain is a great place to start. There are  plenty of self-help articles and videos that can kick start your decision making process and help you decide what’s best for your family. 

Going back to school and investing in one's self is also a huge deal for self-confidence and mental stimulation/relaxation. Healthcare-related fields offer great satisfaction and challenge.  Looking at community colleges or schools for certification or insurance coding can be a great first step.

Life balance is important. Don’t suffer in silence. Don’t decide that you must've done something to deserve your current situation. Sometimes, you can’t fix it on your own, sometimes the answer is right in front of you, but the outcome will have unavoidable consequences. On the flip side, sometimes, if you make small changes in your personal life, if you start taking care of yourself and taking pride in your own achievements, everything else will fall into place. Your children won’t suffer from a parent who takes care of themselves, when Mama is happy, there’s a far better chance that everyone else is happy too. Don’t wait until it’s too late. 

Your happy ending is waiting for you.

Recommended:

Pamper Yourself

Ice Cream Recipes and More from Adventures of Kids Creative Chaos.

Mommy, you look beautiful.

More QUOTE memes

Free Online Relationship Counseling

Are you Struggling to get Along with your Family?

For the next series of posts, we're going to stray a little bit from our regular article topics. We often talk about parenting and share advice for parenting teens, but we've rarely talked about the relationship between two parents. Whether you're married, living together, or co-parenting after a separation, that relationship is a key factor in your parenting success. We want to model healthy, mature relationships for our children, but that is often easier said than done, especially, when you throw in all the expenses of raising a family. However, there are online sources that can help with most of life's struggles. If you're looking for free online relationship counseling, we've got your back.

This post contains Amazon affiliate links.

Is it time to take a look in the mirror?

As you know, we have a series of mommy bloggers who contribute posts to this website, they also help with our Digital Marketing business. As we get new clients,  we sometimes discover that different clients' needs are better suited to one staffer as opposed to another. Sometimes, it's due to work ethic, ability to communicate on a particular topic, or even a staffer's personal passion (or lack thereof)  for a subject. As the editor-in -chief of this website I also have faced conflict of interests, time constraints, or personality clashes with certain clients' content topics. One that particularly comes to mind, is what, at the time, I saw as a lack of interest in the subject matter. 

After working with the client for several weeks, I came to realize it wasn’t a lack of interest that I was facing, but a lack of personal courage. While speaking to the client each week, I enjoyed the conversation and even felt a kindred spirit with her. On the flip side, I dreaded our weekly consultations. I'd find a dozen reasons to put off those weekly calls. I was consulting her on the best way to promote her articles, so calls were a necessary part of the work week. I felt miserable after our calls. I was trying to avoid that feeling. The client was a divorce consultant... 

Every week, she had shiny, new articles to share and we’d discuss the best way to market them. As I read the articles to prep the marketing strategy and create striking image text, I’d become depressed. These articles were hitting home. I soon realized, I was her target demographic. I didn't like the way it made me feel. It was a slap in the face, a weekly reminder that I needed to make a change in my own life.

I also didn’t like that I was broke. I could easily benefit from utilizing her services, but I couldn’t afford it - or wouldn’t. The fee for the program was $1000.  Most of us don’t have the budget for an unexpected $1000 monthly expense. If we do, our budget considers it an emergency fund  for broken water pipes, a new furnace, or other homeowner’s expenses. The kind of things that  you and your partner would share the blow of the expense. “Sorry, Honey,  I used our emergency money for a divorce consultant.” Yeah, that’s not going to go over well for anybody, right? Keeping those kinds of secrets is exactly why you need a relationship consultant. So, most of us suffer in silence, hoping it will all work itself out. It won’t.

Fast forward two and half years later, here I am. Those articles were the catalyst I needed to start the process of removing myself from a very broken relationship. This meant shaking up the lives of many people, making difficult decisions, and hoping that I was doing the right thing. In the end, I made the right choice. Things aren’t easy, life comes at you way too fast, but emotionally, I’m in a much better place. If only I’d taken advantage of other free online marriage counseling or the many online mental health services sooner, I could’ve avoided some issues and been more prepared to help my children deal with the upheaval it placed on their lives. 

We’re still working out the bugs, but all in all, it was the best decision for everyone involved. Sometimes, you just have to step back and evaluate your situation. Change is scary. If three years ago, someone would've told me that I’d own my own home, be responsible for the note on two cars, two houses, and all the other expenses that take their toll on a head of household, be a single parent with two teenagers in public school, and working outside the home, I would’ve told you that you that I couldn’t do it. Me, the advocate for “You can do it!” would’ve said, I’m not strong enough or capable enough to pull off the life of a professional single mother. I would've rather rolled up in a ball and never got out of bed. 

At the time, I didn’t realize that I was depressed. I had a series of health setbacks. I’d become comfortable in my unhappiness. It was a mess, but at least I knew how everyday was going to play out. Ugh. They all played out the same way. There was no hope for the future, only hope to make it through to the next day- to survive another day. My kids had been feeling the same way. Are we all Disney happy now? No, far from it but, even in these trying times, we all have hope for the future. Stay tuned for more on this story.

Recommended:

Self-Care Tips for Parents

Cognitive Behavioral Health Strategies.

What are the Pros and Cons of Using iPads in the Classroom Today?

It's not always easy to motivate and engage children in a large classroom setting. Large spatial environments can distract some students and overwhelm others. Children can lose focus staring at other kids or at random objects in the classroom. All students learn curriculum at a different pace and academic level. Keeping instruction at the same level for every student can cause lower-performing students to get lost in the shuffle. On the other hand, the more academically advanced students can get held back by the rest of the class and become bored with the lessons, decreasing their motivation. Today, technology serves as one of the best ways to engage children at their personal skill level. A new trend in classrooms is teaching academic subjects using iPads. So, what are the Pros and Cons of Using iPads in the Classroom Today?

This post contains Amazon affiliate links.

iPads can make learning more simple than working on a laptop or desktop, but not everyone agrees that using iPads provide the best education for kids--and fulfill the needs of learning the curriculum and the content standards. We're sharing some pros and cons of using iPads in the classroom so you can decide for yourself.

Pros of Using iPads

Students Love Working on iPads

It's no secret that kids love technology. iPads in the classroom can engage even the most bored and distracted students.

Students Possess the Ability to Interact With Many Apps

The iPad interacts with a variety of apps. Software developers seem to have an app for everything from learning math to learning the weather.

Apps give students more choices for learning. New apps are readily available and improving with technology.

Tablets Can Work as a Second Computer Monitor

Today, students use their iPads as a second computer monitor through the functions of programs like Sidecar. Learn how to use Sidecar in this informative article.

Ebooks Serve the Same Value as Textbooks

Some people believe ebooks can replace textbooks You can always download ebooks if it's easier for your style of learning.

Students don't have to worry about bringing their textbooks from their lockers to class because all their ebooks can be stored in one place. This also solves the issue of kids forgetting to bring their textbooks. It also saves trees.

Great Learning Tool For Students With Disabilities 

The iPad has several handicap accessible applications to help struggling learners and disabled students, including apps created for students with cognitive and learning disabilities. 

iPads are Easier to Read Than Textbooks

Textbooks used year after year can become difficult to read. Students put marks in texts, underline, and highlight chapter sections. They often write notes in the margins that cover important text. This often makes the text unreadable. eBooks keep their original format.

Another advantage of using iPads is that students with visual problems can use accessibility tools such as bolding and enlarging the text.

iPads are Lightweight

In middle school and high school, students often need to carry heavy textbooks from class to class. The iPad is portabie and weighs much less than a textbook.

Other than textbooks, students need to carry binders, notebooks, calculators, and other educational tools in their backpacks. There's no need for students to cram all those educational materials into their book bags and break their backs when they could just carry an iPad.

Students are able to have all their learning materials on their iPads. This helps them stay organized and makes life easier on parents and guardians, too.

Should you limit your Child's Smartphone Usage?

Cons of Using iPads

Typing on iPads Can Be Frustrating for Kids

Typing on a computer keyboard is much easier and faster than typing on an iPad. It can be especially frustrating when kids need to create large documents. Even though some iPads have keyboards on them, using a computer keyboard is easier and faster.

One exception is that you can sync your iPad to an Apple wireless keyboard. This is a good idea if you plan to do much typing. However, not all schools have access to Apple wireless keyboards. The student may need to provide their own.

iPads Don't Support Adobe Flash and Javascript

The top criticism of Apple products, including the iPad, is its inability to be compatible with Adobe Flash Player and Javascript.

Many educational websites use Flash. This can limit students to access these tools. However, some people believe some of the newer apps provide ways around Adobe Flash files and Javascript.

iPads Need to Be Charged

Just like a cellphone, iPads need to be charged. A desktop computer in a classroom can be plugged into an outlet. It doesn't require charging.

When power isn't up, learning goes down. Kids can forget to charge their iPads and busy teachers may not have time to check that every single iPad has a full charge to last the entire class period.

Needs Wi-Fi to Operate

Using iPads in the classroom relies solely on maintaining a good Wi-Fi connection. When Wi-Fi has a poor connection or the internet is down, learning stagnates.

All of those devices on the school network can slow it down and eat up all the bandwidth. This can also slow down learning in the classroom or even compromise the lesson.

It's much easier to store educational materials that can be accessed later on a computer than it is on an iPad.

Students Can Get Distracted by Social Media

Tablets are a great learning tool, but they're also a distraction for students who would rather play on social media. It's easy for them to get off task and quickly log into a game, instant messenger, or Snapchat when they should be working.

The Final Word on Using iPads in Today's Classrooms

Compare these pros and cons to decide for yourself if you believe iPads are effective in today's school classrooms and homeschooling environments.

Looking for more educational tips? Explore the blog.

Recommended:

Family Movie Night Ideas

What are CLEP Exams?

Early Childhood Certificate Online

3 Things You Need To Know About Service Dogs for Kids

Service Dogs for Kids

While a service dog requires a bit of upkeep, it can also help kids with disabilities to manage their health, development, and happiness. If you believe that your child could benefit from a service animal, do your research.

This post contains Amazon affiliate links.

You’ll want to answer the following questions: 

• What conditions merit the use of a service dog? 
• How do you care for these pets? 
• What is training like? How do they help? 

We’ve compiled the top 3 things you’ll want to know about owning a guide or hearing dog for your child. Use our list to help you decide whether obtaining a service dog is right for your family. 

There Isn’t Just One Type of Service Animal

Contrary to what you might see on TV or in movies, there are dozens of different types of training a pet can go through to become ready for service. These can help guide, care for, and watch over kids with different kinds of disabilities.

Types of trained pets include:

• Hearing
• Walker or Balance
• Social pets
• Guide pets
• Seizure Alert
• Dogs for Psychiatric Disabilities

These animals help kids with different types of difficulties in day to day life that can be fulfilled by the pet. 

For example, seizure alert dogs are trained to alert people when a seizure is about to occur. Social dogs, on the other hand, are great at helping kids with developmental disabilities interact and engage with other people. 

Trained pets help people of all ages, independence levels, and backgrounds. You can find more information about training and assistance for service dog owners on the SDRA website.

Service Animals Don’t Need a Certificate to Work

A common misconception when contemplating a guide or a seizure alert animal is that it may be difficult to get around with it. The opposite is true. There are policies in place to protect your rights so that you aren’t given a hard time with the pet in public.

The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) states that service animals are allowed to work with or without certification. This means that businesses and organizations are not allowed to prevent you from traveling with your pet. Many businesses have made it a policy to not ask whether a dog is medically necessary or not.

Working Dogs Are Still Dogs

While you may be getting a service dog to simplify your life and aid your child, the dog is not only a helper. The animal is trained and registered officially to provide assistance for owners, but it is still a dog. It requires all of its needs met as well. Just like any normal dog, it needs exercise, food, water, and plenty of love.

Taking care of a dog can be fun, but it is also expensive. Be sure that you are ready to take on the financial and time investment that a dog requires. You need to afford veterinary appointments and food, have the time to give the dog baths, and take it for walks. Be sure that you are ready before taking on this responsibility.

The Bottom Line

A service dog can do great things for your child’s health and development. It can help them to navigate the world around them more freely. It can help with their confidence and happiness. It can even preempt and assist with health issues like seizures. 

Be sure that you think about what it means to own a guide animal before you make the purchase. Use these tips to help you figure out whether you would like to bring a service dog into your child’s life.

Recommended:

Job Ideas for People with Autism

Articles about Special Needs

Preparing Teens for Life after High School

How Your Teen Can Prepare for Post-High School

Your teen has spent the majority of their childhood getting an education. Deciding what they're going to do post-high school is often a challenge. However, to ensure that the senior year is less daunting than they expect and that they're ready for whatever the world throws at them, here are some of basic ways to prepare teens for things to come.

This post contains Amazon affiliate links.

Look at College Options

Around 67% of high school graduates enrolled in college in 2017, and so it's extremely likely that your teen is looking at college as a viable future option. While this is an important stepping stone toward their careers, it's vital that they spend time considering the right college options. 

Boost Grades

To do this, you should consider looking at Cornell University GPA requirements on CampusReel, among others, as this will help your teen find a college where their application is likely to be accepted. You should also take them to open days and apply for brochures that can help your teen find out what each college can offer them.

Take AP or Honors Classes

If your teen wants to stretch themselves academically and be in a good position for the level and type of learning that college offers, consider enrolling them in AP and Honors classes. Not only will these types of classes assimilate the types of projects that they'll commit to at college, but they can also help boost their qualifications and grades so that they can apply for higher ranking colleges and job positions in the future.

Visit Their School’s Career Team

One of the benefits of establishing your teen’s plan for the future while they're still at high school is they will have access to their school’s career team, who can help them plot their goals and long-term dreams. Not only can the team discuss a number of careers with your teen, but they'll also be able to give high school students advice for their college applications and help them find future work experience within the job sector holds their interest. Our local college career center offers things like: building trades, welding, nursing, childcare, broadcasting, and graphic design.

Study online to get a certificate in Early Childhood Education.

Get a Part-Time Job

Is your teen lacking in real-world experience? If you're concerned about how your teen will cope with their sudden entry into the real world, you should consider encouraging them to take on a part-time job. Not only will this force them to improve their time management skills by having to balance this job with their studies, but it will also allow them to boost many of the necessary skills for adulthood, such as independence and communication. It also allows them to experience working for and learning to follow the rules of other adults. So, it can change their attitude toward following your intstructions too.

Study for Exams

However, the most important thing your teen should do before they leave high school is study for exams, which gets them in a good position for their future, whether they want to go to college or go straight into the world of work. To help teenagers achieve their full potential, there are many resources online that can help teens study and excel at their end of high school tests. CLEP tests are great tests for college.

Recommended:

Things to do with TEENS in INDIANA

Cliff Notes for Studying