Emotional Issues from Childhood Follow You To Adulthood

Are Your Personal Intimacy Issues Affecting the Family Unit?

Is your relationship in trouble? Straying from our regular blog topics, we’ve been writing a series on mental health. Turns out something that sounds like a very adult subject matter, has a wider effect on our personal lives. Personal intimacy issues. Say what? 

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Generally, when we think of personal intimacy issues we think about sex. However, personal intimacy can also mean emotional intimacy. Many people struggle with emotional intimacy and over time, this alone can break a relationship. You don’t have to be sexually active to struggle with emotional intimacy issues. In fact, emotional intimacy issues can contribute to sexual intimacy. 

Depending on your family situation, you could be setting your kids up for emotional disaster. How do you raise healthy, emotionally intelligent children? Obviously, if we had all the answers, everyone on Earth would be emotionally stable, but life happens, right? 

Depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, bi-polar disorder, and a variety of other common mental health issues can lead to a lifetime of difficulties in interpersonal relationships. If you can’t get along with family members, you’re likely not going to get along with peers or co-workers and your intimate relationships are going to suffer.

If you notice a family member struggling with interpersonal relationships, what can you do? The first step is to identify the problem. What is causing the mental health issue? It could be a chemical imbalance, childhood trauma, abuse, or even neglect.

If your children suffer, the next step is to get help. Whether you seek out a therapist in your community or find help online, getting an outside perspective is key to improving your situation. If the family dynamic is suffering due to personal intimacy issues between the parents, there are many resources online that can help. 

However, I know from personal experience that it can be difficult to get both partners on the same page. Sometimes, one partner would rather throw in the towel than ask for help from an outside source. I’ve been told that if you need an outsider to help, it’s far too late. Other people may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed to talk about their personal intimacy issues. For more information on common intimacy issues visit this link:  https://www.regain.us/advice/intimacy/common-intimacy-issues-and-how-to-deal-with-them/

When parents aren’t emotionally or physically connected, the children often face emotional issues as well, and can suffer from neglect. Parents can get so wrapped up in their personal problems, that they neglect their children without even realizing it. The key to a happy, healthy family is to keep all of the cogs working cohesively. Immediately after the breakup of our family, as they watched me fall apart, my children seemed surprisingly well adjusted. 

However, whether they knew it or not, they were holding it together, trying to be strong for mom. As time passed and I grew stronger and more sure about my own choices, my children began to show the after effects of the reality of a broken family. They withdrew, became emotional, and even aggressive at times. It seemed their entire personalities had changed in a few short weeks. 

Not only were we dealing with the break of our family unit, but the raging hormones of the wonderful land of teendom had conveniently coincided with it.  While there’s no good time for a breakup, note to self, the early teenage years have got to be worse. If I had to go back in time and do it all over again, I would do it sooner. My relationship with their father wasn’t good for any of us. Our personalities were not compatible and no amount of trying or counseling were going to improve it.

I struggled with perfectionism and obsessive-compulsive disorder, admitting the relationship wasn’t meant to be was extremely difficult for me. It took my children growing up and becoming reasonable, rational human beings who could recognize that the situation was impossible to repair, to give me the kick in the butt that I needed to move forward with my life. Unfortunately, all of this took a toll on their emotional well-being. 

If you’re facing a difficult situation in your relationship, don’t be afraid or embarrassed to seek out help. Don’t wait until the issues are out of control and beyond repair. Though humans are resilient, many mental health issues can get worse over time. Be sure you’re doing everything you can to satisfy the needs of your children and protect not only their physical, but also their emotional well- being.

 

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A BMI Calculator Can Give You the Motivation to Lose Weight

Online BMI Calculator

Been indoors packing on the pounds? It's time to shed the layers of clothing and get outside and play. Growing up, I was chronically skinny except for a brief time in 5th and 6th grade. Due to health issues and medication, as I got older, the weight crept up every couple of years. When motivated, it's easy to get the weight off and drop pounds. Now, as the aging mommy of two kids, the motivation rarely comes and the weight sticks around. I did find a little motivation by plugging my numbers into a BMI calculator. Scroll down to use it, the first BMI Calculator picture is a just pinnable image for Pinterest.  Enjoy! 

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Pin this image to save to Pinterest.

Below is the actual, interactive, online BMI CALCULATOR.

The Food Pyramid

 
Free Online BMI Calculator.

Online Weight Loss Tracker

Ditch the The Food Pyramid?

Motivation. I've worked on upping my food intake. Yes, upping. I never ate more than once a day. Now, I try to eat three times a day with snacks. I've reinvented meals. I rarely sit down to eat, and I don't fill my plate in a food pyramid with one "meal." For me, that means a yogurt here, a banana there, a peanut butter sandwich, or veggies with dip spread throughout the day. I do eat everything in the food pyramid, but not in one sitting.  Should you eat dairy? at 45, I found out I was allergic to milk (not lactose intolerant.) I ditched milk and rarely eat ice cream. Yogurt and cheese don't cause me problems, so I'm able to fulfill my dairy needs. I also discovered a had hyperparathyroidism, so now I take vitamin D softgels every day.

I tried to ditch the pop, but that didn't work. However, I've made little changes. Food before pop in the morning. One soda or less per day. You'd think I'd gain weight, but I didn't gain a pound. In fact, I lost a few. I tried to find a picture to share, but I run from the camera.  Below, is the best I can do for a before picture. On the positive side, the weight always seemed to keep me looking younger. These days, aside from being old, I'm fairly healthy. Unfortunately, the BMI calculator doesn't agree. Another option is to find a good Weight Tracker App. With an app on your phone, you can track everything on the go.

**UPDATE (2016) 
I've lost over 30 lbs. and kept it off. My biggest tip is to stop eating bread (any sort of gluten). Also, take a daily probiotic. I've ditched the pop! Started by swapping Mountain Dew for Sierra Mist (natural sugars and sweeteners) and then I switched to Coca-Cola Zero. I'm working on swapping this for Propel. I drink a lot of Propel, but I want my caffeine. My go to snack is Vanilla Oikos Triple Zero try it in a Strawberry Smoothie. In the past, I was too sick to exercise. The weight loss was all diet related. Bread, cereal, cake, cupcakes, doughnuts, bagels, pizza, pasta- all gone from my diet during the weight loss. Since I've been able to exercise, I do eat them occasionally. I plan to lose 20 more lbs. this year, by adding exercise.

*I'm not a doctor. These are what worked for me. No health advice is implied.

2010

2016

What do you wish you could do differently to improve your health?

Positive Weight Loss Goals

**UPDATE (2019)

I'm 50 now and look better than I've looked in years! Still eating while on the move and using resistance bands for stretching every day. Working on losing 10 more pounds. I'm able to walk, do squats, bike ride, etc. I've even started kayaking! If you told me 10 years ago that I'd be kayaking, I would've laughed in your face! Getting fit allowed me to get healthy. So many health issues have disappeared. I'm thinking about running marathons. Not sure my knees can take it. We'll see.

What are you waiting for?

2019

2019

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Treating the Gut to Improve Autism Spectrum Disorders

Gut Health and Autism

It is true that autism is generally not curable, but in most cases, people try different therapies to improve autism spectrum disorders. Therapies like occupational therapy, speech therapy, and applied behavioral analysis are the most common ways to treat autism and reduce the effects of autism, but treating the gut can help too!

This GUEST POST contains Amazon and other affiliate links. The information in this post is not written by a medical doctor, be sure to contact your physician before starting any new treatments.

Is anything more important for autism than brain foods? Yes, some foods like fatty fish, milk, egg, nuts, chocolates, and others may help the brain develop and increase its functionality. However, that is also challenging as many autistic children have weakened digestive health and may suffer from irritable bowel syndrome.

Why do many children with autism suffer from weakened gut conditions? Our brains have strong correlations with the gut. Autism can impair brain and gut development. Improving the gut can improve brain development, meaning alleviation from some of the symptoms of autistic spectrum disorder and other sensory processing disorders. 

Gut Treatments for Autism

There are many suggested treatments for improving gut function. Below are some popular options for autism that you may want to try.

1. Use of Probiotics and Prebiotics

Probiotics are good bacteria that aid our digestion and improve the immune system. Some of the common beneficial bacteria include bifidobacteria, lactobacilli, and saccharomycetes. Autism probiotics are an effective treatment since the good bacteria kills the bad ones and helps provide more helpful benefits for the gut. 

On the other hand, prebiotics are food components that boost growth to these beneficial bacterias in the gut. Probiotics are common in food items like kimchi, kefir, miso, and yogurt, while prebiotics is common in items like garlic, onions, bananas, asparagus, leeks, and more. 

Regular use of probiotics and prebiotics may improve leaky gut and prepare the body to accept all different kinds of foods. Studies have found improved gut condition increases neurotransmitter production and helps boost brain functions.

2. Focus on Diets

Because of impaired guts, children suffering from ASD often face mineral and vitamin deficiencies. Also, the lack of fiber can worsen gut imbalance and often contributes to leaky gut symptoms. Many children on the spectrum are sensitive to proteins like gluten and casein in their diet.

To overcome these hurdles, parents often put their children on a ketogenic diet. It is a common belief that a keto diet gives children with austim foods that are rich with omega-3 fatty acids. Foods like sardines, tuna, salmon, flaxseed, chia seed, and walnuts are good sources of omega-3 fatty acids. Some also try dark chocolate to help enhance brain functionality. 

3. Antibiotics 

Under a physician's prescription, some try antibiotics like vancomycin but that is usually only for extreme cases. Antibiotics can wipe the gut of both good and bad bacteria leaving negative consequences. As children with autism have more bad bacterias over good ones, trying antibiotics can alleviate some conditions like chronic diarrhea. 

Always consult a doctor for the best therapeutic dose of any medication or herbal remedy. Some people also try antibiotics and probiotics together. In such a case, try fermented products like curd, yogurt, or kefir to help balance gut bacteria.

4. Fecal Transplant

Fecal transplant sounds absolutely bizarre to anyone who is reading it for the first time, but the concept is to transplant fecal material into the GI tract of the patient. This allows a complete shift of microbiome to a recipient without hurting anyone's digestive system. 

5. Microbiota Transfer Therapy

This is a new solution where patients use antibiotics to clear their gut. After clearing their gut, the patient is put on high-dose, standard human gut microbiota for several weeks. This not only improve GI symptoms, but it can also normalize gut microbiomes to that of healthy individuals. 

Try Probiotics over Others

Though we have discussed some possible treatments, most of the options require a physician's help. A diet plan doesn't work well with conditions like diarrhea, and you may also need to consult a nutritionist. These days, there's a lot of focus on probiotics that you can use at home to help your child to improve their gut problems which may, in turn, help improve their autism symptoms.

For most people, probiotics have no major side effects outside of mild gas and bloating. Some of the best benefits of probiotic use include:

1. Probiotics help the body fight cold and flu viruses.

2. Probiotics can boost vitamin B12 in our body, resulting in more energy.

3. Probiotics are helpful in maintaining the ideal body weight.

4. Probiotics can boost the immune system naturally.

5. Probiotics can help eliminate bad breath.

Probiotic Strains and Autism

When it comes to probiotics, people often recommend yogurt, fruits like bananas, mangoes, papayas, and herbs like peppermint and fennel. These foods can help to grow all good bacteria in your gut. The question is which strains of bacteria are good for people with autism? 

Studies have shown that two of the best probiotic strains to help in IBS and autism are bifidobacterium and lactobacillus. Using these with probiotic-rich foods can have synergistic effects to help improve gut functions.

Besides that, lactobacillus reuteri showed promising results in improving social behaviors in kids with autism. A study conducted in Texas found this strain of bacteria to release more oxytocin and improve the social behavior in children with autism. No wonder it can heal gut problems too. Using this form of probiotics also showed a wide array of health benefits including myoskeletal maintenance, improved metabolism, wound healing, and more.

Bacteroid fragilis is also beneficial for kids with autism. A study from the California Institute of Technology found this strain has the unique ability to penetrate the mucus layer and embed itself to repair the intestinal cell lining, which is a big bonus to anyone suffering from leaky guts. 

Things to Avoid with Probiotics

Though probiotics have no major side effects, it's prohibited for post-cardiac surgery patients, patients with bloody stools like hematochezia or melena, patients with pancreatic disorders, and infants. Other than that, anyone with a severely weakened immune system should consult with a doctor before taking probiotics or any other over the counter remedies. 

The Bottom Line

It's been proven that there's a strong correlation between our brains and our guts. If you can fix either of them, the other one will likely react to that positive feedback. When it comes to autism, this correlation is a key part of further study to lessen the effects and work toward a cure. 

You'll likely see significant behavioral changes, improved social interactions, and a big margin of improvement in your child’s learning abiity with gut treatment. In short, treating the gut can result in a better lifestyle for anyone suffering from autism spectrum disorder. 

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Classroom Safety Tips

Safety Tips for Children in Early Childhood Education from ChildCare Education Institute

Anywhere you go, the safety of our toddlers and preschool children is a topic of concern. We need to become vigilante when it comes to the safety of our kids. A recent study shows more than 794 children were killed by vehicles in 2017. Unfortunately, many of these deaths took place at daycare facilities under the supervision of early childhood educators. Back up cameras are not enough. All adults need to know these safety tips for children from ChildCare Education Institute.

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According to the CDC, Unintentional injuries—such as those caused by burns, drowning, falls, poisoning and road traffic—are the leading cause of morbidity and mortality among children in the United States. Each year, among those 0 to 19 years of age, more than 12,000 people die from unintentional injuries and more than 9.2 million are treated in emergency departments for nonfatal injuries. Read the CDC report on Childhood Injuries.

Safety Prevention in the Classroom

Safety in the classroom doesn’t just happen, teachers must be prepared and plan for it. What can we do to prevent these senseless deaths and keep our youngest family members safe? When child caregivers and other adults equip themselves with the tools needed to protect children in their care, they can reduce unnecessary injuries and accidents. Safety education is key.

ChildCare Education Institute (CCEI,) the industry leader for online professional development, offers over 55+ safety courses for ECE teachers. These high-quality and research-based courses provide early childhood educators with operating procedures and best practices for keeping children safe on and off school grounds.  I highly recommend all ECE professionals explore CCEI’s vast online course catalog and enroll to take their safety courses today!

CCEI has over 35+ certificate programs offered in both English and Spanish! They’ve graduated over 15,000 early childhood professionals from its CDA and other certificate programs -- with over 5 million online course hours completed by students. CCEI’s web-based coursework is available 24/7/365. 

Here’s a list of some of the 55+ safety courses offered online with CCEI:

• CCEI112A: Child Abuse: Signs of Abuse and Reporting Requirements for Early Childhood Professionals identifies and defines the major categories of child abuse, explains the responsibilities of mandated reporters, lists methods of reporting, and emphasizes the importance of visual checks.

• HLTH110: Protecting Infants: Reducing the Risk of SIDS and Shaken Baby Syndrome  introduces the risk reducing and preventative strategies designed to keep infants safe.

• CCEI110A: Indoor Safety in the Early Childhood Setting introduces early childhood professionals to indoor safety standards in an early childhood setting. Topics covered include toy safety, poison control, the development of appropriate play space, controlling high traffic areas in the center, and other safety standards.

• HLTH104: Basic Health and Hygiene Practices for the Early Childhood Setting  provides basic information everyone should know about preventing the spread of infectious diseases in the child care setting.

• CCEI119: Food Allergies in the Early Care Setting provides an overview of food allergies and basic food allergy safety principles to employ in the early care setting.

ChildCare Education Institute offers professionals 150+ online child care training courses (in English and Spanish) to meet licensing, recognition program and Head Start requirements. It’s the perfect online training for busy early childhood teachers. Read our review on CCEI here: Continuing Online Study for Early Childhood Education. I highly recommend you try these safety courses today from CCEI, so you can create a safe environment for your students. The courses are easy to digest and easy to apply to your daily schedules.

Maintaining a healthy and safe environment for children in an early childhood environment is essential. Parents count on caregivers to keep their children safe, healthy, and happy when they're in the classroom. Early childhood professionals need to stay up-to-date on the changes to licensing regulations, best practices, and health and safety standards set forth by governing agencies. Caring for Our Children: National Health and Safety Performance Standards; Guidelines for Early Care and Education Programs has been updated. Learn more about the recent safety standard updates.

Have you considered any of these safety tips for the childcare environment?

• Cots/cribs are placed 3 ft apart or have barrier and assigned to a specific child or cleaned and sanitized after each use
• Furniture and equipment is in good repair (check for broken toys, accessories, wrinkled/disrepair rugs/carpet.)
• All chemicals are locked/out of reach of children. 
• All entrances/exits are kept clear of clutter, snow, ice, etc. 
• Tables and chairs are not stacked while children are present.

Your state likely has many resources available to help guide the safety practices and policies in your classrooms. Download this free Childcare Health and Safety Checklist PDF from Indiana.gov.

CCEI offers many continuing ed courses for ECE staff and caregivers. I encourage anyone working with children to take courses with CCEI. That’s right, anyone! If you’re a homeschooler, you’ll find many of the courses beneficial to your homeschooling learning environment as well.

ECE teachers in a brick and mortar environment will find that CCEI is convenient and easy to navigate, most classes take about an hour. Preschool teachers and daycare providers alike, will definitely want to take a look at the safety courses and maintain a weekly safety checklist for their program environments. 

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Healthy Family Advice

Can't We All Just Get Along?

The last few articles have been on the subject of mental health and the breakup of the family unit. As the family situation changes, so do the matters of family concern. Of course, how you deal with these changes affect the future mental health of your children, but don’t forget to take care of yourself. As mentioned in a previous article, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” My advice is this, self-care is a key element to a happy, healthy family, but be careful, don't over do it.

                                                  This post contains Amazon and other affiliate links.

If you’ve come off a long-term, unhealthy relationship, chances are you’ve been neglecting self-care. Self-care is key to your happiness. Newly separated or divorced individuals might choose to jump out into the dating scene. At first, it's exciting and new. If you've been in a bad situation, going out on dates and having fun can feel like self-care, but you need to be careful that all that good time fun having doesn’t lead to an even more unhealthy rebound relationship. Just like our children, we need to make healthy choices.

Practice being alone. I can’t emphasize this enough. Spend time alone. As much time as it takes for you to get over the pain. And as much time as you need to grow as a person. Learn from your mistakes and take care of yourself.  As I age, I see intelligent women jumping into relationships. Perhaps, they’ve been a stay-at-home mom. Maybe they’ve never held a full-time job. Some never had the chance to go to college. They’ve never managed their own finances. Often, they feel like they just can’t handle the responsibilities of taking care of themselves and their children. So, they go out on a man hunt. The goal is to find a better man than the last one. Some are looking for a man to meet their financial expectations, others are looking for companionship, and some are looking for a father figure for their children. Whatever the reason, they jump into a relationship too soon. Been there done that. 

Healthy Family

I got married while still in college. It was okay. Just okay. I wanted to be happy, but we were young and a lot was missing in the relationship. At that point in my life, the idea of a wedding was more important than the idea of a marriage. We were friends and companions struggling to find common ground, but something was always missing. Both of us had placed our focus on gaining knowledge and prepping for a career and little attention was given to intimacy. As starving college students, there was no money for fun things and then we jumped into buying a house, and then another house, and then it all just got way too overwhelming. There was simply no fun to be had.

Eventually, we talked to friends, family, and clergy. We attended counseling. It all pointed to the same thing, we just didn’t have the same goals or the same outlook on life. We ended the relationship in an amicable fashion. And that’s when my real troubles started. I briefly dated, but playing the field has never been my thing. Dating in your late 20’s is an experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Ugh. It’s a brave new world. With my thirtieth birthday looming over my head, I really wanted to settle down and start a family before it was too late. I had some great men to choose from, two were truly amazing with interesting careers. One was neither amazing, nor did he have a great career. He was lucky to hold down a job. But he had what I wanted. A little girl. My family doctor and the counselor both advised against any serious relationship or even dating after the first year of a breakup, but my biological clock was ticking. Tick tock. Having been told I likely could never have children, I jumped at the chance. 

However, that wasn’t the only thing. He was fun. Oh so fun! He loved to dance, hike, bike, play sports, cook, and clean. One day, he called me one of the “cools.” I had been feeling lost. I was never cool. I wanted to do all those things I felt I’d missed out on in high school and college. Except I didn’t. I was still that goody two shoes inside. His risky lifestyle stressed me out. We fought. Among other things, he drank. He was verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive. It was like a dark movie from one of those cable tv channels for women. That was my first rebound.

After that, I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to pick myself up again. I had a lot of counseling. I saw a psychiatrist. I took various medications. Was I suicidal? Not really, but it seemed like life had gotten the best of me. I felt like a failure in every way imaginable. No kids, no career to speak of, and no real chance to recover from all the despair because, in my head, I was old. Oh, so old. I turned to online dating. It was uplifting to have so many men interested in dating me. It was also terrifying. That was the start of rebound number two. Not only did I not wait a year to date, in only a few short months I had moved in with a man and was pregnant. At the time, it seemed like he had everything I wanted. A good job, two kids, pets, a nice home. He was a widower and that (like the alcoholism before him) fulfilled my need for codependency. I had something to do, people to take care of, and dreams to fulfill. Except, we were less compatible than the previous rebound relationship. Shortly after my son was born, I became pregnant again.

Things weren’t ideal, but I always questioned myself. Why not? Maybe I was the problem. I should’ve been content. I was determined to make it work. I mean, after all, he wasn’t abusing me. He yelled a lot. It triggered old feelings from the previous relationship. I cried a lot. It made him mad. I cried more. It was an endless cycle. We barely knew each other. We met online. We were both lonely. As it came to be that he was my only friend for many years, we were really never friends. We both tried. The harder I tried, the more difficult it got. And now, there were kids involved. I didn’t want to break up the family unit. I didn’t want my kids to come from a broken home. Ugh, the damage I did to all of us by trying to stick this one out. We were the absolute opposite of compatible. I will spare you the gory details.

I had so many health issues. I spent months in bed, with nothing more to do than reflect on my past. I knew it had to end. But I was scared. Could I do it alone? Was I strong enough? I started stepping up my game, working harder from home, seeing various specialists and improving my health, and building credit. Once I knew what had to be done, I still wasn’t ready to do it. Things finally worked out in a way that made ending the relationship the most logical decision. It was difficult, but I didn’t need to seek counseling. I threw myself into my work, my writing, and the remodeling of my new house.

After years of thinking about it, deep down, I knew if I were ever to have another relationship again, I’d have to be strong. I’d have to take care of myself first, I’d need a break. I wrote down the pros and cons of dating. Months passed. I thought about what I wanted. What I needed, who I wanted and why. I realized I didn’t need a man to be happy. But I wanted that companionship that had eluded me for most of my life.

Why it's okay to Need a Man

It was always the same set of traits that had always led me to the same conclusion. But, I didn’t want to make the wrong choice with the right choice. So, naively, I  attempted to play the field again, but I didn’t date. I just talked. I talked to several old friends and acquaintances. This time no online dating, no strangers. I weaned them all out. I settled on one for an attempt at dating. We talked for weeks before meeting in person. I knew him from high school. He seemed to fit the criteria. But low and behold, it was a mistake. A big mistake, but one I wanted to cling to because I was sad and lonely. I had basically given up. I was about to turn fifty. There was no more time for mistakes. If I thought dating in my late twenties was hard - whoa. In your fifties, it’s a whole new frontier. Casual dating wasn’t an option for me. 

I took a few weeks to get myself together. I pulled out my list again, and this time, I realized what I always needed had always been there. Sometimes, you just need a friend.

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